On Mon, 31 Dec 2007 10:48:36 -0500, HK wrote:


From Andy Borowitz:

Next Year’s News
Predictions for 2008 from BorowitzReport.com

January: After paying five billion dollars for The Wall Street Journal,
Rupert Murdoch will reduce the size of the paper by removing the facts.

....which will only reduce the size by about one paragraph.

February: Responding to the controversy over the CIAs’ waterboarding
videotapes, President Bush will reaffirm his administration’s opposition
to videotaping.

....but *will* publish biographical details of all CIA agents in rec.boats
or elsewhere

March: As the writers strike drags on, Paramount will produce the second
“Transformers” film without a script, just like they did with the first one.

....luckily no writers were used for "Inconvenient Truth" because they had
too much integrity.

April: Monica Lewinsky will announce her candidacy for President of the
United States. She will offer herself as an alternative to Hillary,
saying, “It worked before.”

.....and she won't have to perjure herself!

May: Attempting to bolster flagging enlistment rates, the Army will
change its recruitment slogan from “Army Strong” to “I Can’t Believe
It’s Not a Civil War.”

.....hey, "Army Strong" looks great on my license plate holders!

June: Population experts will warn that the world’s population will soar
in 2008, largely due to the Spears sisters.

....and the Pampers folks will be upset as 'bottomless' will be the 'in'
thing.

July: China will send a new brand of rat poison to the United States
under the name “Delicious Cupcakes.”

....and, of course, the Democrats will blame this on Wal-Mart unless it
becomes unionized first.

August: Sen. Edward Kennedy will abandon plans to write his memoirs,
explaining, “I can’t even remember what I did last night.”

....'nuff said.

September: At the Republican National Convention, G.O.P. nominee Mike
Huckabee will select Jesus Christ as his running mate.

....there, got the religious threat in there. Now the SP's know who *not* to
vote for.

October: O.J. Simpson will be convicted in Las Vegas, proving that it is
easier to get away with murder than stealing sports memorabilia.

Good.

November: President-elect Michael Bloomberg will defend the
five-billion-dollar cost of his campaign, arguing, “Rupert Murdoch paid
that much for The Wall Street Journal, and I get a whole country.”

December: In his last official act, President Bush will announce an exit
strategy from Iraq. The President will withdraw all U.S. troops –
through Iran.

.....that won't happen. Iran is too nice. They have no plans for nuclear
weapons. They just want electricity. If we would just sit down and give
them whatever they ask, they would always be nice.
--
John H

"All decisions are the result of binary thinking."