Bombs in shipping containers is a real threat, hijacking airplanes is a
real threat. Looking for floating bombs, with no intended target, is
just dumb.

Not so fast. I have discoverd there is some concrete value to these Homeland
Security, get out the fearful vote, warnings.

Just this afternoon, I was doing a bit of sanding and varnishing on the boat.
There was strong ebb current running through the marina, and I noticed what
*looked like* an ordinary styrofoam coffee cup floating my way. This wasn't a
typical coffee cup, no way. It was one of the big "venti" (20-ounce) cups and
the lid was still attached. Do you have any idea how much plastique you could
cram in a cup that size?

Remembering all the homeland security warnings about floating bombs, I
immediately fled to the head and sealed myself in with duct tape.

Miracle of miracles, the coffee cup drifted on out of the marina and *didn't*
explode to sink my boat! The duct tape worked! Just think, if I'd some vizqueen
handy, I probably could have actually caught the Islamic terrorist that tried
to blow up the marina with that cup.

Hallelujah! I've been saved again by George
Bush, Tom Ridge, and the Department of Homeland Paranoia. Is it too late to
move to Florida so I can show my gratitude by voting several times in the
November elections?