Gordon wrote in
:

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22 Ways to be an Outstanding Democrat


1. You have to be against capital punishment, but
support abortion on demand.


2. You have to believe that businesses create
oppression and governments create prosperity.


3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of
law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S.
nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and
North Korean communists.


4. You have to believe that there was no art before
Federal funding.


5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less
affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's
climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.


6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial
but being homosexual is natural.


7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by
a lack of federal funding.


8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't
teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach
those same kids about sex.


9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about
nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of
San Francisco do.


10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more
important than actually doing something to earn it.


11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25
million of his own money to make The Passion of the Christ
for financial gain only.


12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it
supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU
is good because it supports certain parts of the
Constitution.


13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM
fees are too high.


14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria
Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas
Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, Thomas Edison and A. G.
Bell.


15. You have to believe that standardized tests are
racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.


16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal
and is a very nice person.


17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism
hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right
people haven't been in charge.


18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth
belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in
the White House.


19. You have to believe that homosexual parades
displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be
constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas
should be illegal.


20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party
funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best
interest of the United States.


21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a
vast, right wing conspiracy.


22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal
workers Christmas Day off but it's not okay to say "Merry
Christmas."