On Thu, 30 Aug 2007 08:48:08 -0700, Chuck Gould
wrote:

When the kids were little, we rented a horse from a guy with a
concession at an ocean beach. It was $20 an hour or something- and we
paid for two hours. The plan was that we would walk down the beach and
the kids could take turns riding on the horse as we went.

Things went well for about the first 30 minutes. The horse walked
along
at a nice slow pace and our kids each spent some time in the saddle.
My wife and I each took a 5-minute turn and then put the kids back on.

At the 30 minute mark, the rent-a-horse just quit. Wouldn't take
another step. No amount of "giddy up", tugging on the harness,
slapping it on the buttocks, etc would move it along. I got up in the
saddle and kicked it lightly in the ribs with my heels. Nothing. The
horse sort of sneezed and whinnied, and then would shake its head and
neck as if to say, "What part of "no" don't you understand?"

We finally managed to get the horse moving again in the one direction
he was willing to go- back down the beach toward the rental tent. In
fact the closer we got to the rental tent the more energy the old nag
seemed to find. We were walking at a fairly fast clip to keep up. When
we got back to the rental tent, the horse came to a second and final
stubborn stop. We were back at the tent in about 55 minutes from the
time we paid for a two hour horseride.

I complained to the wrangler. "Oh, I'm so sorry!" he said. "I gave you
a one-hour horse."

"A one-hour horse?"

"Yup. Folks go out for a ride and have so much fun that they lose
track of time. A lot of people rent a horse for an hour, so we train
the one-hour horses to turn around and head back to the corral after
they have been out for 30 minutes. That way we can be sure to have
horses available when there's a line forming. The horses have a good
sense of time, and after a while they know how far down the beach they
are supposed to go, at different speeds, before they come back. I gave
you a horse that we normally use for one-hour rentals, sorry."

The wrangler told us we could take the same horse out for a second
hour- but as we would simply be covering the same territoy again we
opted for a refund of the second hour's rent.

We city folk get eddycated pretty quickly when we try to match wits
with some of them country fellars....who ever heard of a one-hour
horse? :-)

That "country fellar" wasn't too sharp.
A real one-hour horse should be home in 45 minutes and a two-hour
horse in 90 minutes.
Besides that, he couldn't tell them apart.
Pretty good, Chuck. I don't know if you're pulling my leg or not.
I'm pretty wary of what former yacht brokers say.
Speaking of pulled legs, the nag that gave me a butt thumping tried
that too. That's how she started her campaign against me.
Tried rubbing me off against trees.
And the standing still stubborn trick? Yep.
But she jumped in a river first, then stood there until I was
thoroughly soaked.
My buddy stood watching on his horse, nice and dry, laughing his ass
off, commenting about what a poor cowboy I was.
Joe Cafone of Nutley, NJ, horseman.
Hell, the closest he ever came to an animal before was the pigeons
he raced.
In cowboy fashion I finally heeled - didn't bring my spurs - the horse
up the steep river embankment (although I'm not sure the horse was
aware of me) and insisted we trade horses.
Knowing pigeons as well as he did, Joe readily agreed and we swapped.
Joe lasted about ten seconds before the horse had him in the river.
He got her out, but wanted his horse back, so we swapped again.
Then the horse bolted full tilt across a big pasture. I lost my
stirrups, and the down stride had my ass a foot off the saddle, while
the up stride banged my balls back into it.
Very painful indeed..
Soon I dropped the reins and was holding on for dear life with my
arms around the nag's neck. Of course now I was getting a full
frontal banging on the saddle horn. Would have fallen off except
she stopped when we reached the tree line.
That hour was a long day, and that animal had its way with me.
Nobody would have mistaken me for Eddie Arcaro.
I gave up my jockey/cowboy/equestrian career the same day I started
it, and never whispered to another horse.

--Vic