I'm "Tom" and I'm a recovering yeller. I've been soft spoken for 2
decades, six weeks, 3 days, two hours and... Or something like that.
Anyway, speaking from experience I can attest that getting your
husband to stop shouting will make everyone including him much, much
happier. I don't know what will work for him but I remember what
worked for me. I moved from the mainland where I had been involved in
some serious small boat racing to Hawaii where the racing and crewing
were very much more casual than I was used to and I became very
frustrated and started yelling at folks without even realizing it. A
couple of weeks into the season one of the long term crew took me
aside and said "listen, I know you're a good sailor and I'm not but I
get yelled at at work and I will not come out sailing if you're going
to yell at me, too." I was appalled at my behavior which I really had
been incompletely aware of (I thought I was just giving instructions)
and I truly have been soft spoken since then. Perhaps your husband
isn't aware of just how offensive his behavior is. I'd suggest being
very direct about telling him.

Leaning to sail is a long term project. A sailing school can give you
a nice start on it, but unless you have an unusual aptitude for
sailing it will be years before you are competent and it takes a
lifetime to get good. Nevertheless, it is easy for learning sailors
and more experienced sailors to have a good time together while out
sailing. I've sailed very extensively around the Pacific with my girl
friend who was a total non-sailor when we stated and is still working
the left side of the leaning curve. She is a fantastic partner and
knows how to stand watch. I don't ask for anything more. I often
take non-sailors out sailing (I just took a couple out this afternoon,
in fact) and since they keep on asking to come back I'm guessing they
enjoy it. The trick is that the person in charge has to be able to
work the boat himself and then allow or perhaps encourage his guests
to do the jobs they are competent to do. Requests made to the guests
are just that. They should be made in a speaking voice and followed
by a question mark. eg. "would you like to hold the tiller while I
set the mainsail?" A "no" shouldn't phase the skipper. Or at least
that's how it works on my boats and I've enjoyed the results.

-- Tom.