Not necessarily a mood for St. V day, but:



A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and
dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of
a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove
up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and
now I 'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming
over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in
the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you
and take everything you own.

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we
settle disputes in Tennessee. We settle small disagreements like this;
with the "Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land,
first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so
on back and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided
that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the
local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to
the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed
work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His
second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from
his mouth.

The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear
end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie . The lawyer summoned
every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face
with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my
turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.