"jlrogers±³©" wrote in message
. net...
1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on
demand.

Amen. Death to the innocent; spare the guilty.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments
create prosperity.

Amen. Cradle to grave dependency. Down with business. Socialism for
everyone.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are
more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of
Chinese and North Korean communists.

Amen. Those east Asians wouldn't dare hurt us, but watch out for your next
door neighbor.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

Amen. Those damned early "artists", like Grandma Moses, didn't know ****.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by
soccer moms driving SUV's.

Amen. Soccer moms should be forced to drive electric cars.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being
homosexual is natural.

Amen. Boys can play with dolls and girls can play cowboys and Indians,
while the poor gays are powerless to avoid lusting after their own sex. But
that's ok.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal
funding.

Amen. Damn gov't. is resposible for all those deaths.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders
how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

Amen. And don't forget that Crissy has two mommies.

9. You have to believe that outdoors men don't care about nature, but
loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

Amen. You don't have to go outside to know all about nature. Read the
Sierra Club magazine and you'll know everything.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually
doing something to earn it.

Amen. Outcome-based education has improved our younger generations
tremendously.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money
to make The Passion of the Christ for financial gain only.

Amen. That jew-hating ******* is just a greedy heathen.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts
of the constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain
parts of the Constitution.

Amen. NRA: bad. ACLU: good.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

Amen. We need to tax ATM fees. If you have the cash in your account, you
aren't paying enough tax.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more
important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee,
and Thomas Edison.

Amen. If it weren't for women standing up for their rights, there would be
no country to save.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides are not.

Amen. SAT: racist trash designed to keep minorities out of college.
Affirmative action: the way things ought to be.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice
person.

Amen. It takes a village to do her hair.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in
charge.

Amen. Hugo Chavez will get it right. Just wait and see. Then we can do
it, too. He'll help us.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail,
but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

Amen. A blow job is nothing important, even if you lie about it.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag,
transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and
manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

Amen. Religion is ruining the world. Gays are good for society.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the
Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.

Amen. Al Gore is a patriot, I think.

21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing
conspiracy.

Amen. You should be locked up before someone learns something.

JB