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From: "Capt. Neal®"
Subject: SAILING AND CUNNILINGUS
Date: 2000/01/15
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Organization: Overqualified for Mensa
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*******WARNING*******ADULT CONTENT*******WARNING*******
Adults only. Youngsters such as Bobsprit, Ganz, and Pager
guy forbidden.

Dear Group,

It has occurred to me that sailing and cunnilingus are two
pursuits that require very similar skills. Perhaps my great
sailing skills are a reflection of my even greater
cunnilingus excellence.

First, for you men who are not accomplished in the art of
cunnilingus, allow me to educate you on how it should be
done.

A woman's clitoris is anatomically the female equivalent of
a man's glans penis. The clitoris manifests itself on a much
smaller scale, however, and is usually buried beneath what
is equivalent to a man's foreskin. This structure on a woman
is called a pupice. It is important for a man to use his
fingers to assist to move this pupice back in order that the
clitoris, in all its nervy glory, is exposed to the educated
tongue of the man. A woman-satisfying man then needs to use
his tongue to stimulate the exposed clitoris. There is a
certain finesse and technique involved that only very
experienced men such as myself are privy to. I shall share
my secrets with those men who are less skilled.

The secret is a very slow and teasing technique. An
accomplished male lover will use his tongue to slowly
encircle the clitoris and alternate a slow sucking action so
as to increase the engorgement of the clitoris and enhance
the nerve feedback. The sucking is very important because it
assists the increase in size and intensity of the good
feelings that eventually lead to a mind-blowing female
orgasm. The thing a man should always keep in mind is that
women are different from men in that men yearn for AN orgasm
whereas woman are capable of MULTIPLE orgasms. In this
respect, the Captain will have to admit that women are
superior to men. Anyway, a woman-pleasing man should use a
tease technique of GENTLE and persistent stimulation of the
clitoris. This includes gentle sucking and use of the tongue
to rub both sides of the clitoris as well as the ventral
side. ALTERNATE AND DO IT SLOWLY. Tease! If you feel your
lady is close to having a climax, then slow down. Make her
suffer. Build her up close to an orgasm and then back off.
Pretty soon she will be shuttering and begging for you to
finish her off. Don't even allow her to think she has any
control. Build her up until she is almost ready to climax
and then slow down. Do this a half-dozen times and then
ALLOW her a climax by first sucking and then tongue-lashing
her clitoris until she bucks like a bronco in the throes of
ecstasy. Give her five or ten minutes to get over it and
then start all over again. Remember, she is capable of as
many orgasms as you have the energy to give her. While some
men, myself included, can have three or four orgasms, the
orgasms usually decrease in intensity but an educated
woman-pleasing man can assist a woman to have multiple
orgasms that INCREASE in intensity. You should see me drive
a jaded 16-year-old Cuban hinetéar totally insane with this
technique. Perhaps this is why the youngsters love the old
Captain so. I give better than I get.

What does all this have to do with sailing? Allow me to
explain.

When sailing, an accomplished sailor realizes that his
vessel has what is called a 'groove.' (Interesting selection
of words, don't you thing?) This groove is similar to the
process of teasing the female clitoris to climax. The major
difference is that a sailor can AND SHOULD keep his vessel
in the groove and on the verge of a climax for hours and
hours and hours. (No woman could survive that.) Some of you
may be aware of the phenomena. You are sailing close-hauled
and there is a fine line between your vessel wanting to
round up or fall off. This line is called the groove. An
accomplished sailor can keep his vessel in this groove at
his will and it represents the epitome of prolonged speed
and skill. At the very end of the process a sailor can allow
his vessel to fall off the groove and realize a temporary
speed increase which is equivalent to the female orgasm
explained to perfection above. Real sailors (and lovers)
will know of which I speak whereas pretenders will protest.

Respectfully,
Capt. Neal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~