Bob and Suzy went shopping, shopping for a boat
"It must have form over function, it must do more than float!"
"It must have four hanging lockers - for all my nice new clothes,
A washer and a dryer, a microwave and stove!"


"It must have room for my stereo and speakers 4 by 4
Room for the bigscreen tv, my telescope and more!"
It's on this boat that we must fit all that we do own
At home we'll be, when we set to sea - my castle and a throne!"


"Oh Bobby dear, don't you fear that's there's room naught just for
friends?"
"Three heads there'll be, to sit and pee and staterooms end to end!
And Suzy Q, just for you, to save you from sun and splash
A pilothouse, with windows large, and samite curtain sash!"


Bob and Suzy went looking, looking at the show
Every boat they inspected, topside and below!
"This cabinet is ill fitted, the carpet's much too green!
The berth's too short, the galley's wrong - the oven don't self clean!"


"Oh me! Oh my! What to do, no boat will suit us fine!"
"Don't fret my dear, listen hear and have a drink of wine!
A custom boat is what we need, it will fit us to a "T"
Storage broad for your wardrobe, a private theater for me!"


"An architect I will call, tomorrow right at dawn,
The specs I'll give, and with this we'll live, so let the plans be
drawn!"
The architect listened long and listened long did he
Of showers, hot tubs and saunas - of luxury at sea!


The builder worked long and hard, worked right around the clock
The boat was big and mighty, longer than the dock!
It was at completion, commissioning was near
It had every nice appointment, the stowage and the gear!


The day had come to launch the boat, a mighty boat at that
It had every convenience, the bilges round and fat
Down the gibbs it did go, but it stuck between the piers
"Let's push it out", Bobby did shout, to Suzy and the queers!


They greased its sides and it did slide and drifted out to sea
Bobby proud, the cheering crowd, "and they're all looking at me!"
"I'm a sailor now, I'll show them how, I'll show them how its done!"
"Let's fire up the engine and take it for a run!"


The engine started quickly up, the propeller began to turn
The water behind started to swirl, the mud began to churn
They left the harbor safely, and to the sea went bound
They didn't stop the motor, til the middle of the Sound


"It's time to do what sailors do - it's time to hoist the sail!"
They looked and searched all around but find it they did fail!
The shock ran deep, to the bone, Bobsprit was aghast!
"What happened the winches, the halyards and the mast?"


A cell phone call, he did make, a calling from the sea
To the architect and builder, with this humbled plea
"I didn't mention, and mention it I did fail
The boat is not only my castle, the boat is for us to sail!"


"And perhaps for just a fee, you could add a mast and line
If it looks like a sailboat, it suits Suzy and me just fine
You see we're not really sailors, just sailors wannabe
It must look salty, as salty goes, and never sets to sea"


So if you're down at Miniford and see a sailboat queer
With docklines, power and cable, tied firmly to the pier
You know it's not designed for sailing, its just a sailboat home
With room for six, a satellite dish, a sauna and a phone!