(04-20) 03:19 PDT (AP) --

Comedian commentary on the campaign:

"Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn":

"President Bush says he's worried the uprisings in Fallujah will spread
to other cities he can't pronounce."

"John Kerry is reaching out to young people, rocking campuses across the
country on his 'College Tour '04,' featuring a performance by future
Secretary of Defense Jon Bon Jovi. So that movie career is really taking
off, huh Jon?"

"Kerry shocked the crowd when he ended his speech by asking, 'Where the
rich widows at?"'

"The Tonight Show with Jay Leno":

"A poll of college students shows more said they would rather have
President George W. Bush as a roommate than John Kerry. Yeah, but then
again, which one would you rather cheat off of in class? Actually, I
think they'd both be nightmare roommates, don't you? Bush wouldn't know
any of the answers, and Kerry would give you two for every question."

"According to Bob Woodward's new book, when President Bush first decided
to go to war with Iraq he literally grabbed Donald Rumsfeld and pulled
him into the small study just outside the oval office and told him his
decision. That's the same little room where Bill Clinton took Monica
Lewinsky. You know something, we gotta get rid of that little room.
That's two president's in a row that have almost been brought down by
that thing."

"John Kerry jumped on Bob Woodward's claim the Saudi's plan to drop the
price of oil just before the election. And he said if elected he would
eliminate the sweetheart deals with Saudi Arabia. Is that really the
best way to get elected? Basically saying as president you'll make sure
the Saudi's always keep their prices high? 'When I'm president there
will be no more discount oil prices from the Arabs. As long as I'm in
office we'll pay top dollar for oil."'

"British Prime Minister Tony Blair was at the White House last week. And
President Bush said for someone not from this country, his English is
pretty good."