On Thu, 22 Dec 2005 23:19:20 GMT, Shortwave Sportfishing
wrote:

Winners never quit and quitters never win. But, if you never win AND
you never quit you're an idiot.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away -- and you have
their shoes.

If I was ever in an elevator car that was dropped from a 747, I'd try
to jump just before we hit the ground. I wouldn't want to die without
saying I'd at least tried that.

My grandfather once told me that women like to be pursued. What he did
NOT tell me, the old *******, was that you shouldn't do so wearing a
ski mask and carrying a blood spattered shovel.

They say that a million monkeys working for a million years will
eventually produce the full text of Hamlet. But they'll never be able
to produce something as simple as a Star Trek script, because monkeys
cannot grasp the concept of the laser.

They say when life hands you lemons, you should make lemonade.
Yesterday, life came up and handed me a couple of kumquats and said
"good luck."

I think that when someone asks you "How they hangin?" you should be
allowed to drop your pants and check.

If starship full of aliens lands on the earth tomorrow, and they are
totally peaceful and want to be our friends, I hope they don't taste
like chicken because we already know what that tastes like.

I hope they taste like swan.

Very good. I know you won't mind if I cut'n'paste it and send it to everyone I know
that sends me jokes. If you want, I'll put 'Tom said:...' in front of it.
--
John H

**** May your Christmas be Spectacular!****
*****...and your New Year even Better!*****