While trying to figure out where solar enthousiasts are going to put enough
square miles of solar panels to produce 6KW of power for their ever-
increasing needs, I think it's time to introduce another "boat simulator",
similar to my Liveaboard Simulator you've all enjoyed over the years.

So, I present:

The Solar Panel Simulator

Go down to the Home Depot or your favorite lumber yard and buy a 4X8' sheet
of 3/4" plywood. Get the cheap stuff, this isn't going to be teak decking
when we're done.

Cut the plywood the same size as the solar panels you're contemplating
mounting on the boat to power the electric heat, air conditioning,
microwave ovens, hair dryers for the wife and that 40A battery charger. If
your "system" has several panels, we'll need more plywood because we want a
plywood panel to match each of them.

If you intend to mount these solar panels to something on the boat, bend
some pipe strap and use some screws to mount the plywood panels temporarily
to the location the solar panels are to go to. If you intend to stow the
panels and put them up temporarily at anchor, skip this step.

With all the panels in place, or stowed, put the family aboard with all
their stuff and set off on a little sea trial. Make notes so you can later
modify your panel layouts whenever someone whacks their head on a plywood
simulator or has to stoop over under the plywood simulator because it's in
the way of standing upright. If anyone asks stupid questions about why
they can't get a suntan in their formerly favorite spot or complains that
they can't see where they're steering the boat, put these in the notes,
too. We may have to maintain a forward lookout watch to communicate turns
and obstructions to the helm, not something that should be considered
lightly if you're shorthanded.

The, take the boat out in the worst waves you ever encountered, to see what
happens to these flying wings in a storm in the positions were testing.
Solar panels are large enough to become part of the trim on a sailboat,
tilted the way they are. Make sure the plywood has the same angle the
panels will be tilted to in order to check boat trim and panel loading in a
full gale, especially under shortened sail where the panels will be more
sail area than the little storm jib. Boating is unpleasant if you can't
control azimuth, especially in high winds. If any of the panels get ripped
off, you can appreciate how much my simulator has helped you in your
planning phase by only losing $10 in plywood overboard, instead of a $1,200
solar panel. I like Boddington's English Ale, by the way.

If any plywood panels sailing overboard in the storm take out rigging or
masts, I hope you won't hold this against me. If things look bleak, well,
it's only a piece of plywood so you can afford to dump any really stupid
ideas overboard to save the shrouds and mainsail, right? Noone at the dock
will notice some of the plywood is missing when you get back.

On the way back to your slip, make a mental note of any impending threats
or mutiny caused by the solar array simulators. This may dampen your
enthousiasm for solar power aboard before spending $5000 on a system the
wife may toss overboard while you're sleeping off watch.

Back at the dock, have a little meeting of the crew to gauge their response
to falling over and banging their heads on the simulator panels. If it
looks like the marriage may not survive, now is a great time to bring up
buying that little diesel genset she pitched a fit about last year and told
you "over my dead body". Her attitude towards diesel power may have
changed today!

(Gulf coast boaters may find free simulator panels laying all over MS and
LA about now.)