Agreed....Never saw an early retirement deal that was anything more
than "Get lost, we don't need you, here's some cash."

Boob, that's because you only worked for crap companies.
My deal was a years severance plus $50K in cash. 5 years added to my
age on paper for time served, 5 years added to my fully company funded
pension which increased the amount in the plan as if I would have
stayed that much longer. This is in addition to my 401K. Health care
until I'm 65. Able to purchase product at cost until I croak. The
deal was offered to anyone over 50. Out of 900 people who were offered
the deal 92% took it. So you see it was a little better than "here's
some cash get lost"