How To Be A Good Repubican
1. You have to believe that the nation's current 8 year prosperity was
due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but yesterday's
gasoline prices are all Bill Clinton's fault.
2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success
all on their own.

3. You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social
Security checks on time.

4. You have to believe that AIDS victims deserve their disease, but
smokers with lung cancer and overweight individuals with heart disease
don't deserve theirs.

5. You have to appreciate the power rush that comes with sporting a
gun.

6. You have to believe...everything Rush Limbaugh says.

7. You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and
hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor.

8. You have to believe God hates homosexuality, but loves the
deathpenalty.

9. You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in
America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote
for Alan Keyes.

10. You have to believe that pollution is OK as long as it makes a
profit.

11. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray
to Allah or Buddha.

12. You have to believe Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were really
faithful husbands.

13. You have to believe speaking a few Spanish phrases makes you
instantly popular in the barrio.

14. You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

15. You have to be against government interference in business, until
your oil company, corporation or Savings and Loan is about to go broke
and you beg for a government bail out.

16. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares
your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.

17. You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing
police protection, national defense, and building roads.

18. You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary
history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private
school with a $1,000 voucher.