I wonder what Mark Twain's version of the Bible would look like?


"Scott" wrote in message
...
"PG" wrote in message
...

Frankly, I think God has a very keen sense of humor, but most of us just
aren't getting the joke.

"If I were to construct a God I would furnish Him with some way and
qualities and characteristics which the Present lacks. He would not stoop
to
ask for any man's compliments, praises, flatteries; and He would be far
above exacting them. I would have Him as self-respecting as the better
sort
of man in these regards.
He would not be a merchant, a trader. He would not buy these things. He
would not sell, or offer to sell, temporary benefits of the joys of
eternity
for the product called worship. I would have Him as dignified as the
better
sort of man in this regard.

He would value no love but the love born of kindnesses conferred; not that
born of benevolences contracted for. Repentance in a man's heart for a
wrong
done would cancel and annul that sin; and no verbal prayers for
forgiveness
be required or desired or expected of that man.

In His Bible there would be no Unforgiveable Sin. He would recognize in
Himself the Author and Inventor of Sin and Author and Inventor of the
Vehicle and Appliances for its commission; and would place the whole
responsibility where it would of right belong: upon Himself, the only
Sinner.

He would not be a jealous God--a trait so small that even men despise it
in
each other.

He would not boast.

He would keep private Hs admirations of Himself; He would regard
self-praise
as unbecoming the dignity of his position.

He would not have the spirit of vengeance in His heart. Then it would not
issue from His lips.

There would not be any hell--except the one we live in from the cradle to
the grave.

There would not be any heaven--the kind described in the world's Bibles.

He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for
making man unhappy when he could have made him happy with the same effort
and he would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy. - Mark Twain's
Notebook