Go away, you idiot! You have personality problems.

--
"j" ganz @@
www.sailnow.com



"Bob Crantz" wrote in message k.net...
VEGANS: Modern Day Witches

Sermon by Brother Harry Hardwick,
11:00 A.M., Gold-Star Members Service, Main Sanctuary
Friends, you needn’t be nostalgic for your mind to occasionally wander back
to a better time - a time when the world was far less complicated, when
morality reigned supreme, when life was just a whole lot easier and more
care-free. I am, of course, referring to the late 1600’s. Lucifer was easier
to spot back in those days even though the people were simple-minded - even
more simple-minded than the current American public when it comes to
justifications for war. Satan’s minions were easy to locate. They looked,
acted and spoke differently than anyone else. Their slimy, pickle-colored,
wart-ridden skin, enormous noses and jutting chins, web-like, matted hair
and sickly demeanor led folks to know instantly what they were -- witches!
Front porch cauldrons of bubbling fluid containing the most disgusting
insects and rodents imaginable made the home of a witch easy to locate. And
the incessant rhyming of incantations made the voice of a witch easy to
identify, particularly since there were no rap singers back then. A True
Christian™ could spot a witch a mile away. An even better Christian could
strike one with a flaming arrow from the same distance. All it took was a
few wooden stakes, some rope and a torch, and the devil was defeated for yet
another day.

Things aren’t so simple any more. Witches have learned a lot since the days
of the Puritans. They’ve learned that if they show their hideous faces in
public, it won’t just be their warts we burn off. So, they’ve had to go
undercover in their efforts to recruit the weak-willed to the service of
their master in Hell. To induce these naïve innocents to join their filthy
cult, they have been forced to come up with a politically correct
justification for their association. They have had to conceal the real
purpose of their late-night meetings, when they cast spells on the
vulnerable, brew hideous potions, and sacrifice infants to the devil. They
have had to come up with a modern message that will be attractive to the
weak-kneed while not raising the ire of True Christians™ that much. That
message is called “vegetarianism.” Today’s witches are called “vegans.”

One needn’t look any further than Christ’s words to see that so-called
“vegans” are nothing more than sorcerers and demons, mocking God while
spitting on His Son’s final supper. They know God loves meat and has ordered
us to eat as much of it as we can. So they poke fun at the Lord with slogans
like “Meat is murder” and by insisting their members abstain from consuming
anything that comes from an animal. Jesus warned us about these diabolical
cretins. Turn your Bibles to First Timothy, chapter 4, verses 1 through 3
and recite along with me:

Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall
depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of
devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a
hot iron; Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which
God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and
know the truth.

I don’t know how Jesus could have warned us any more directly about these
devils. They try to hide behind phrases like “animal lover” and “animal
rights advocate.” That is devil-speak if I ever heard it! The Bible makes
clear that God created animals for one purpose only - our nutritional and
intestinal satisfaction. Just as God created woman solely to be the servant
of man, meaning women are to obey their husbands at all times, keep their
mouths shut in church and never teach (1 Timothy 2:11-15; Ephesians
5:22-24), so, too, God created animals so we would have something to fill
our stomachs with after a hard day’s work. God told us long before He used
Mary to incubate His son: “Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for
you” (Genesis 9:3). Every moving thing - not just the ugly ones, not just
the dumb ones, like chickens and fish. Every living thing. The most
beautiful fawn, the most prized heifer, the most graceful swan, the cutest
bunny rabbit. According to God, they’re all nothing more than sausage
fodder!

When the apostle, Peter, woke up hungry, what did God give him to eat? Not a
pansy platter of carrot sticks, lettuce leaves and orange slices. He gave
him every type of four-footed beast on the earth and every fowl of the air,
telling him, “Rise, Peter, kill, and eat” (Acts 10:9-13). When Cain and Abel
offered gifts to the Lord, Abel gave the Lord the fat he cut off the hides
of his flock whereas Cain gave the Lord a fruit and vegetable tray. The Lord
loved Abel’s offering of something that would stick to His holy ribs and
despised Cain’s lesser offering of mere produce. Cain became jealous and
murdered the brother with the superior gift-giving eye (Genesis 4:3-8). This
was the first, but my no means the last, human murder committed by these
vegans a/k/a witches a/k/a wiccans.

But add another a/k/a to that list - homos. You see, veganism offers a place
of solace for sodomites every bit as attractive as a Catholic confessional.
Fruits and vegetables are what housewives and sissies on Weight Watchers
eat, whereas meat, cheese and butter are what real men eat. If every meal
you eat doesn’t contain something that lives in, or comes out of something
that lives in, a barn, you aren’t a real man. Jesus warned us that the men
who would one day call themselves “vegans” are nothing more than nancy-boys
looking for refuge somewhere. “For one believeth that he may eat all things:
another, who is weak, eateth herbs” (Romans 14:2). Just take a look at these
losers - thin as a rail, pale as a ghost. The kind of men we used to beat up
every day at school. If you asked any one of them, he would probably admit
he supports feminism. The only protein these marys consume was created for a
completely different purpose, the misuse of which is precisely what got Onan
struck dead by God.

Watch out for these witches and fairies, my friends, for in today’s world of
ailing morality, they are everywhere. They protest outside leather shops.
They ruin other people’s valuable winter coats by hurling buckets of blood
on unsuspecting ladies. And they try to destroy the cattle industry with
their left-wing talk shows. If you spot one of these demons, detain it and,
when you’re through roasting that side of beef you’re having for dinner,
replace that meat on the skewer with the heathen, and help restore a
long-missed moral tradition.