Katysails and the Five Languages of Love.


I, Capt. Neal, in the interest of improving myself and becoming more
desirable to the ladies, have taken it upon myself to read up on the subject
of women so as to understand them better. In this way, I shall be able to
satisfy them mentally and physically whereas, prior to my studies, I have
been only fulfilling them physically.

One female aviator told me things such as, "Oh, my dear Captain, but you
sure know how to please a woman in bed! Not only are you a ship's Master
but you have also mastered the techniques of physical love."

However, later on as the day progressed, this physically satisfied female
aviator was heard to say, "You know, dear Captain, as much of an expert as
you are in bed you lack knowledge of how to please a woman out of bed.
You've spent too much time alone at sea. But, you would be perfect if you
would improve yourself in the latter area."

So, with the help of my local librarian, Ms. Heather, (who has always had
a crush on me) recommending a couple of books for me to read and having
finished reading them, I am learning how to be the perfect man - in bed
and out.

May I recommend the following books to those sailors here on this group
who would like to improve their success rate with the ladies. The first is
named "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. This book taught me to
see women differently than I previously have seen them. Woman are not
happy being treated like galley slaves; on the contrary, they actually thrive
on being treated with respect and as an equal partner. This thought had
never even occurred to me prior to reading the recommended books.

It seems that women speak five kinds of love languages and the language
of physical love is but one of the five. Besides the language of physical
touch, women also speak the language of words of affirmation, the language
of quality time, the language of receiving gifts, and the language of acts
of service. Most women have a *primary* language of love and it is up to
the man to figure out which it is and to learn to speak that language.
Nothing a man can do will make a woman happier than speaking her
primary language of love.

When a man learns to speak a woman's primary love language he is able to
keep her love tank topped off and all will be well with their relationship
(this is provided the woman also learns to speak *his* primary language of
love which may or may not be the same as hers.)

Myself, being a manly man like Joe, Mooron, Horvath, Scotty, Gilligan and
a few others, at first thought the book ridiculous and just another way to
give equality to women and to knock men down a few notches. How dare women
presume to be treated like equals? It is against all logic and reason.

However, it is also against all logic and reason for a man to love a woman
and then proceed to drive her away because he lacks understanding of the
her love language of refuses to speak it. What is better? A man insisting on
his superiority and being lonely and miserable or a man swallowing his pride
and being happy and loved? It took several cases of Rolling Rocks but it
occurred to me that I had damned well better try the later situation for once
in my life. Constantly jumping in and out of the beds of a long string of
wenches is no life for an older gentleman. There comes a time to cultivate
one good woman.

Besides, what's the harm in learning to speak a woman's language of love
if the result is she will *willingly and lovingly* become your galley slave.
So, as you can see, it has advantages even for us old salts.

For example, When I first met Miss Mo'lissa, I tried the old, gruff, Captain-
is-master approach and I got exactly nowhere. So, I decided to put my
newfound book-learning to good use and e-mailed her in a civil manner and
asked if I could telephone her and talk when she had the time. She said OK.
Later, when we talked, I asked her a few questions about things she liked
and didn't like and I soon found out her primary love language was words of
affirmation.

She loved to be told how good she was and how pretty and sexy and how her
life was a success and how great a bartender she was and how competent a
lifeguard she was and how lucky any man whose yacht she shipped onto was.
Her love tank was becoming full and, of course, she desired more topping off.

The reason I had struck out with my initial gruff replies to her posts was
I was speaking a foreign language and certainly not her primary language of
love. Just by learning to speaking her love language, I started filling up
her love tank and now she's decided to come to the Keys for a sail instead
of wasting her time in Cabo san whatever where the men haven't a clue how
to speak her love language.

Another example where I've failed to speak the correct language of love
is in my dealings with Katysails. It's very plain, now that I've read the
above book and from the things Katy posts here, that Katy's primary language
of love is Acts of Service. Mr. Sails has apparently failed to realize this
fact because he clearly does not speak Katy's love language. It's plain for
all to see that Katy's love tank is empty.

Acts of service is a difficult love language to speak unless one is there in
person to speak it. Acts of service means doing things for your woman like
washing the dishes, vacuuming the floors, washing her car, helping her prepare
meals, etc. As a result, even if I wished to speak Katy's primary language of
love, I would not be able to do so. Therefore, Katy will remain embittered,
cold, and unfulfilled until and unless the right man comes along who can
speak her primary love language and top off her love tank . It's a shame
because a good man who speaks her primary language of love and was there
with her could surely turn her into a happy, satisfied woman who would bring
contentment and joy to this group instead of spite and anger.

The second book I would recommend to all you manly men is "Men Are From
Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray, Ph.D. This book will explain
how women think differently from men and how men can better interact with
women so love grows instead of dying. It seems men and women are totally
different. The main difference is women want and need to be listened to.
They need to be listened to without a man suggestion solutions to their
problems. Just having a man listen to them and affirming them seems to
solve all their problems. Women might appear to always be complaining but
they are not really. They are just expressing their desire to be listened
to. A man does not generally have to *do* anything other than listen to
make a woman happy. Men have some needs as well. Mostly, men need to
feel free to go to their caves when problems arise. They do this to
have time to think them through and don't need a woman coming into
their caves offering advice or sympathy. When a woman learns to leave
a man be during these times of withdrawal, a good relationship develops.
When a man goes into his cave, however, he must tell his woman that he
will be back lest she worry he is abandoning her or no longer loves her
or wishes to listen to her. There is a lot more to it but that is the crux
of the matter.

Allow me to put it in terms of this group so that manly men might understand
why they should learn to listen to their woman. Take Joe, for example, he
and Miss Terry seem to get along very well. This is probably because Miss
Terry is wise enough to let Joe go to his cave when he needs to and Joe
is probably wise enough to really listen to Miss Terry when she talks.
The result is a satisfied couple who get along just swimmingly. Miss Terry
is so fulfilled that she no longer wastes her time posting here. She has
better things to do and is secure in herself and her relationship while
Joe can go to his cave of off to his favorite watering hole to think
his problems through. The Venusian and the Martian have learned
each other's culture.

Now, on to somebody whose relationship is a failure.

Poor Katysails!

It is so plain that nobody listens to Katy. Her posts in this group are the
perfect example of this fact. Katy whines, complains, harangues, preaches,
digs, insults, cuts, slashes, dices and fillets. Ask yourself, "would a
happy and fulfilled woman be spending so much time here acting out her
frustrations and aggressions? Most certainly not! Katy acts out here because
nobody listens to her at home. Her life is a living hell. As stated above Mr.
Sails does not speak her primary language of love and now we learn he doesn't
listen to her either.

Now, don't get me wrong. I like Katy. Sometimes I think I love Katy but
I am in no position to help her. I would ask that anybody up there in
Michigan who lives close by please help Katy before it's too late. See if
you can get her and Mr. Sails into counseling. Just bring this post and
show it to the psychiatrist. He'll understand.

In the meanwhile, let's all pray for Mr. and Mrs. Sails.

Capt. Neal
-- a sensitive and caring alpha male.