Health Warning

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have issued a warning
about a new strain of sexually transmitted disease. This disease is
contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is
called Gonorrhea lecthim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him"). Many victims
have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4 years, in
spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this
especially virulent disease.

Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea lecthim
include, but are not limited to: antisocial personality disorder traits;
delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor; chronic mangling
of the English language; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to
incorporate new information; pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept
responsibility for actions; exceptional cowardice masked by acts of
misplaced bravado; ignorance of geography and history; tendencies toward
creating evangelical theocracies; and a strong propensity for
categorical, all-or-nothing behavior.