"Harry Krause" wrote in message
news:gw7fd.313523$3l3.98593@attbi_s03...
GREENSBORO, NC-In an announcement that has alarmed voters across the
nation, Vice President Dick Cheney said Monday that he will personally
attack the U.S. if Sen. John Kerry wins the next election.

"If the wrong man is elected in November, the nation will come under a
devastating armed attack of an unimaginable magnitude, one planned and
executed by none other than myself," Cheney said, speaking at a rally in
Greensboro, NC. "When they go to the polls, Americans must weigh this fact
and decide if our nation can ignore such a grave threat."

Added Cheney: "It would be a tragedy to suffer another attack on American
soil, let alone one perpetrated by an enemy as well-organized and
well-equipped as I am. My colleagues and I urge voters to keep their
safety in mind when they go to the polls."

Although Cheney would not comment on the details of his proposed attack on
a John Kerry-led U.S., national-security experts said he possesses both
the capabilities and the motivation to pose a serious threat.

"There is no question that Cheney has the financial assets and
intelligence needed to pose a threat to our nation," said Peter Bergen,
terrorism researcher and author of Threats And Balances: Former Executive
Branch Officials And The Danger To America. "After all, this fanatic can
call upon the resources of both the Republican Party and Halliburton to
aid him in his assault. America would be foolish not to take his warning
seriously."

After his speech, Cheney was asked to confirm his remarks.

"Make no mistake: If Kerry becomes president, no one will be safe from
me," Cheney told reporters. "Businesses, places of worship, schools,
public parks: No place will offer you refuge. A vote for Kerry is a vote
to die in your own bed at the hands of Dick Cheney."

LOL.



Stepping up to the podium after Cheney, Secretary of Homeland Security Tom
Ridge vowed to increase surveillance of the vice president.

"Wherever Cheney is-whether in his office in the White House or stumping
in battleground states-we will be watching him," Ridge said. "I will not
rule out raising the terror-alert level, should Kerry begin to draw ahead
in the polls. Every percentage point conceded to Kerry brings the nation
under greater threat of attack by Cheney."

In a televised address from the White House, President Bush promised "to
serve and protect the nation" by being re-elected.

"A war against Dick Cheney would be a long, hard struggle," Bush said. "It
would be a difficult battle against a shadowy nemesis who is able to hide
among us, loves only death and destruction, and hates our freedom. I have
the experience, the leadership, and the Republican nomination required to
protect us all-myself and my family included-from Dick Cheney."

Although the effect of Cheney's remarks has yet to register in the polls,
some voters report that the vice president's threats have concerned them.

"Frankly, I'm terrified," said Dwayne Cummings, a 38-year-old metal-press
operator from Cleveland, OH. "The idea of getting attacked by Cheney right
now, at a time when I'm out of work, uninsured, and have kids to worry
about, is overwhelming. I'm not sure I can vote for Kerry anymore."

Mary Pershing, a loom-worker and lifelong Democrat from Limestone, KY,
said she appreciates the government's surveillance efforts.

This is the part that makes it somewhat believable...since, in real life,
it's likely that a Democrat would be stupid enough to fall for this.