AP Press
December 11, 2003

Longtime Local Resident Forced to Move

Meredith Birney, Florida Sun Times


Local long time resident live aboard and colorful mariner known as "Captain
Neal" was forced from his mooring upon a discovery by the Florida Keys
Sanitation District.
The district, during underwater effluent discharge pipe inspections, had
found that Neal had chained his boat off to the grate covering the sewer
outlet. The 100 feet of chain had been secured so well that it took diving
salvage crews 8 hours to cut through. Residents were amazed that someone
could live so long and so close to a class II sewer outlet, which is
minimally treated waste. "I've weathered six hurricanes, two infestations of
fleas, four cases of the Cuban drip, chronic bad gas, so I wasn't about to
let a little bit of foamy, smelly water drive me away. Anyway, the catfish
were plump and there always was a meal ready to be caught down at the end of
my chain", commented Neal. When asked where he was now going to settle he
commented,"Probably up by Pappy's Clam Grill, I don't mind the sound of the
trash barge at 4:00 AM since I'm up anyway and even better, it's less of a
walk to get the free government pills!" "I'll miss my morning dips in the
warm waters of the outlet, it did wonders for my skin and kept the boat warm
during the winter." Neal originally filed a suit with the Sanitation
District for damages to his mooring chain but quickly settled for four
perforated sewer lids. "These are almost as good as the grate and the
District even allowed me lifetime access to go fishing in their easements
any time I want!"