Sailors:

I'm working with the USCG on a new navigation hazard marking system and am
favourable to the public input. The system is inteneded to mark moving
navigation hazards of a variable radius. This may sound confusing, so I
shall give an explanation.
Hazards are most likely fixed in size and location. This system will mark a
hazard that is variable in both size and location. An example of such a
hazard is your noted dork of the sea - the blubbering Bobsprit. His actions
constantly constitute a hazard to navigation. The hazard radius is quite
variable. At night his massive floodlight can blind sailors over a mile
away. The loud music certainly renders audible signals useless. The George
Foreman grill can cause a fireball of several hundred yards, the defective
and antiquated battery charger has about the same radius. The gulls drawn to
the Alien girls certainly can be confused for a large school of fish
feeding.
How does one mark such a hazard? A flashing beacon light at night, with
dayshapes and pennants at day? A radio beacon giving the morse code "I" for
idiot? Perhaps large yellow stripes painted on the craft? A radio
transponder that gives the course, location and weight of the offender? How
does one clearly mark the "Dork Captain" and how far away is one safe from
the stupidity?

I most certainly appreciate your suggestions on how to mark this mobile
hazard to boaters everywhere.