Samantha Bennett, the lesbian who wrote that, is from canada.

SV


"Capt. Mooron" wrote in message
...
This article was published in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette on July

30, 2003. It's worth reading.

It's not just the weather that's cooler in Canada

Wednesday, July 30, 2003



You live next door to a clean-cut, quiet guy. He never plays loud

music or throws raucous parties. He doesn't gossip over the fence,

just smiles politely and offers you some tomatoes. His lawn is

cared-for, his house is neat as a pin and you get the feeling he

doesn't always lock his front door. He wears Dockers. You hardly

know he's there. And then one day you discover that he has pot in

his basement, spends his weekends at peace marches and that guy

you've seen mowing the yard is his spouse.



Allow me to introduce Canada. The Canadians are so quiet that you

may have forgotten they're up there, but they've been busy doing

some surprising things. It's like discovering that the mice you

are dimly aware of in your attic have been building an espresso

machine.

Did you realize, for example, that our reliable little tag-along

brother never joined the Coalition of the Willing? Canada wasn't

willing, as it turns out, to join the fun in Iraq. I can only

assume American diner menus weren't angrily changed to include

"freedom bacon," because nobody here eats the stuff anyway.

And then there's the wild drug situation: Canadian doctors are

authorized to dispense medical marijuana. Parliament is

considering legislation that would not exactly legalize marijuana

possession, as you may have heard, but would reduce the penalty

for possession of under 15 grams to a fine, like a speeding

ticket. This is to allow law enforcement to concentrate resources

on traffickers; if your garden is full of wasps, it's smarter to

go for the nest rather than trying to swat every individual bug.

Or, in the United States, bong.

Now, here's the part that I, as an American, can't understand.

These poor benighted pinkos are doing everything wrong. They have

drug problem: Marijuana offenses have doubled since 1991. And

Canada has strict gun control laws, which means that the criminals

must all be heavily armed, the law-abiding civilians helpless and

the government on the verge of a massive confiscation campaign.

(The laws have been in place since the '70s, but I'm sure the

government will get around to the confiscation eventually.) They

don't even have a death penalty!

And yet ... nationally, overall crime in Canada has been declining

since 1991. Violent crimes fell 13 percent in 2002. Of course,

there are still crimes committed with guns -- brought in from the

United States, which has become the major illegal weapons supplier

for all of North America -- but my theory is that the surge in

pot-smoking has rendered most criminals too relaxed to commit

violent crimes. They're probably more focused on shoplifting boxes

of Ho-Hos from convenience stores.

And then there's the most reckless move of all: Just last month,

Canada decided to allow and recognize same-sex marriages. Merciful

moose, what can they be thinking? Will there be married Mounties

(they always get their man!)? Dudley Do-Right was sweet on Nell,

not Mel! We must be the only ones who really care about families.

Not enough to make sure they all have health insurance, of course,

but more than those libertines up north.

This sort of behavior is a clear and present danger to all our

stereotypes about Canada. It's supposed to be a cold, wholesome

country of polite, beer-drinking hockey players, not founded by

freedom-fighters in a bloody revolution but quietly assembled by

loyalists and royalists more interested in order and good

government than liberty and dependence.

But if we are the rugged individualists, why do we spend so much

of our time trying to get everyone to march in step? And if

Canadians are so reserved and moderate, why are they so

progressive about letting people do what they want to?

Canadians are, as a nation, less religious than we are, according

to polls. As a result, Canada's government isn't influenced by

large, well-organized religious groups and thus has more in common

with those of Scandinavia than those of the United States, or,

say, Iran.

Canada signed the Kyoto global warming treaty, lets 19-year-olds

drink, has more of its population living in urban areas and

accepts more immigrants per capita than the United States.

These are all things we've been told will wreck our society. But I

guess Canadians are different, because theirs seems oddly sound.

Like teenagers, we fiercely idolize individual freedom but really

demand that everyone be the same. But the Canadians seem more

adult -- more secure. They aren't afraid of foreigners. They

aren't afraid of homosexuality. Most of all, they're not afraid of

each other.

I wonder if America will ever be that cool.



C-A-N-A-D-A ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!


CM