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On Fri, 15 May 2020 02:13:43 -0700 (PDT), wrote:

If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face.

A beer and a shot works too

Kinda’ starting to understand why pets try to run out of the house when the door opens.

Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???

I’m so excited it’s time to take the garbage out. I wonder what I should wear?

You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people home schooled by day drinkers…

Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture.”

Where’s your husband?....In the garden….I didn’t see him….You just need to dig a little.

My Mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by laying in the bed all day, but look at me now! I’m saving the world!

I miss the days when we were terrified of Romaine lettuce. Ahh, the good times….

I swear my fridge just said: “what the hell do you want now?”

Corona-virus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We’re told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.

Whoever owes you money, go to their house now. They should be home.

Homes schooling Day #3: they all graduated. #Done.

I’m giving up drinking for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation I’m giving up. Drinking for a month.

My favorite is "get the **** away from me" is now a public service
announcement.