On 3/21/2020 2:47 PM, Keyser Soze wrote:
...making the rounds on "the internets..."
Dear ****ing Lunatic Donald Trump:
At your recent press conference - more a word salad that had a stroke
and fell down stairs, you were CLEARLY so out of your depth you needed
scuba gear. Within a minute of going off air, your minions were
backpedaling like Cirque du Soleil cyclists.
In India a few weeks ago, i couldn’t get past the bit about your being
the most popular visitor in the history of ****ing india — a country of
a BILLION human souls that’s only 3000 years old, give or take.!!! Trust
me - Gandhi pulled CROWDS.. You pulled a cricket stadium and half WALKED
out...
Do you know how ****ing insane you sound, you off-brand butt plug?
That's like the geopolitical equivalent of “that stripper really likes
me” — only 10,000 times crazier and less self aware.
You are ****ing exhausting. Every day is a natural experiment in
determining how long 300 million people can resist coring out their own
assholes with an ice auger. Every time I hear a snippet of your
Queens-tinged banshee larynx farts, I want to scream!
We are ****ing tired. As bad as we all thought your presidency would be
when Putin got you elected, it’s been inestimably worse.
You called a hostile, nuclear-armed head of state “short and fat.” How
the **** does that help?
You accused a woman — a former friend, no less — of showing up at your
resort bleeding from the face and begging to get in. You, you, YOU — the
guy who looks like a Christmas haggis inexplicably brought to life by
Frosty’s magic hat — yes, you of all people said that.
You attempted — with evident ****ing glee — to get 24 million people
thrown off their health insurance.
You gave billions away to corporations and the already wealthy while
simultaneously telling struggling poor people that you were doing
exactly the opposite.
You endorsed a pedophile, praised brutal dictators, and defended LITERAL
****ING NAZIS!
Ninety-nine percent of everything you say is either false, crazy,
incoherent, just plain cruel, or a rancid paella of all four.
Oh, by the way, Puerto Rico is still FUBAR. You got yourself and your
family billions in tax breaks for Christmas. What do they get? More
paper towels?
Enough, enough, enough, enough! For the love of God and all that is
holy, good, and pure, would you please, finally and forever, shut your
feculent KFC-hole until you have something valuable — or even marginally
civil — to say?
You are a fried dick sandwich with a side of schlongs. If chlamydia and
gonorrhea had a son, you’d appoint him HHS secretary. You are a
disgraceful, pustulant hot stew full of casuistry, godawful ideas,
unintelligible non sequiturs, and malignant rage.
You are the perfect circus orangutan diaper from Plato’s World of Forms.
So **** you mr. president. With a sandpaper strap-on
Oh, and Pence, you oleaginous house ferret. **** you, too. You'll be as
useful as a chocolate teapot against a medical crisis you Bible thumping
cock socket.
Sincerely,
Everyone🤣
Writer apparently never contacted The Luddite* 
Reminds me of the "Ultimate Flame" that circulated in newsgroups over
20 years ago. A "Flame" was a series of insults directed towards some
one. Here it is, in all it's glory:
"You swine. You vulgar little maggot. Don't you know that you are
pathetic? You worthless bag of filth. As we say in Texas, I'll bet you
couldn't pour **** out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are
a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than
be seen with you.
You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are
degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you
exist. I despise everything about you. You are a bloody nardless newbie
twit protohominid chromosomally aberrant caricature of a coprophagic
cloacal parasitic pond scum and I wish you would go away.
You're a putrescence mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little
worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a
cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a
revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.
You are a bleating fool, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared
richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into
this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned
by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed
themselves in recognition of what they had done.
I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species
as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformation. I barf at the very
thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid
you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a
fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?
If you aren't an idiot, you made a world-class effort at simulating one.
Try to edit your writing of unnecessary material before attempting to
impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop
will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it
more rapidly.
You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive
its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to
fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame
of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of
your own trite, foolish beliefs.
You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid,
nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an
ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you.
You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land
that reality forgot.
And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important
statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What
fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted
tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat,
spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?
You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and
obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living
emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a
disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.
On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are
deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of
wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You
are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow
wherever you go.
I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid.
Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond
the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are
trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that
even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no
intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on
Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire
galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll.
Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some
primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure
essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond
the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an
epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again
for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant
questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of
the rest of this drivel. Duh.
The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped
away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say
anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I
mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of
babbling was hardly effective...maybe later in life, after you have
learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success.
True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take
for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we
sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who
find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your
case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been
"right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best
of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing
such a demand on you.
P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful,
cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable,
belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal,
fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic,
brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame,
self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent,
libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate,
harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious,
revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist,
dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive,
controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird,
dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic,
jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing,
arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive,
socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good."
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