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No Canoe Can Hold Me
No Canoe Can Hold Me
by Dennis Puttkamer Care to take a relaxing, uneventful canoe trip down the lazy river, the sights and sounds of nature soothing you? Want the warm midday sun to bronze your shoulders as you calmly drift across the water? Well, you'd better call someone else to join you. Because when Dennis Puttkamer steps into a canoe, there's going to be trouble. They have yet to build a canoe that can contain Dennis Puttkamer, Canoe Tipper Extraordinaire. No matter the brand or make-Grumman Double-Ender, Michi-Craft T-17, Pelican Dare Devil-give me enough time, and I'll find a way out of it. Whether I'm recklessly standing up to scout for potential dangers ahead, or throwing all my weight unexpectedly over to one side after seeing what I believe to be a beaver, I will upset the canoe's delicate balance. Not even the Alcatraz of canoes, the impregnable Old Town, can hold me within. I am a modern-day Harry Houdini. When it comes to canoes. For instance, I've been known to decide, mid-voyage, that I'm feeling a little "seasick," and need, urgently, to switch places in the canoe. Using my patented "Not- Thinking-Things-Through" technique, I will then begin stumbling toward the bow before you have a chance to react, toppling us both into the freezing river water below. You won't know what hit you, although if past experience is any indication, it will probably be my paddle. You can put me in a canoe all right, but you can't keep me in a canoe. And if you try, I promise you this: I will escape, most likely after dropping my paddle in the water and reaching out precariously to retrieve it, though it obviously sits well outside my meager reach. And when I do, believe you me, everything you hold dear-camping supplies, fishing poles, beer cooler-will get what's coming to them. Come hell or high water, although it's usually the latter, I will emerge victorious. There's no rock too far out in the distance that I, in wholly unfounded desperation, won't violently steer away from, crashing into an unseen piece of driftwood just feet to my left in the process. Yes. I'm that good. [The rest at http://www.theonion.com/content/node/46695] |
No Canoe Can Hold Me
How about a 25 foot war canoe?
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No Canoe Can Hold Me
Sounds like that is afecipe for more wet people with this lad.
Some are meant to raft. I wonder.... Was he recently on a BC ferry??? |
No Canoe Can Hold Me
This is in fun, I am sure if he were motivated and not distracted
things would go well. A kayak may be the solution. oh and "afecipe" should have read "a recipe". |
No Canoe Can Hold Me
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No Canoe Can Hold Me
wrote:
: Sounds like that is afecipe for more wet people with this lad. : Some are meant to raft. : I wonder.... Was he recently on a BC ferry??? But... it's the onion... sadly, the sp*ns*n guy prolly won't be far behind... -- John Nelson ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chicago Area Paddling/Fishing Page http://www.chicagopaddling.org http://www.chicagofishing.org (A Non-Commercial Web Site: No Sponsors, No Paid Ads and Nothing to Sell) |
No Canoe Can Hold Me
wrote in message
oups.com... No Canoe Can Hold Me by Dennis Puttkamer Care to take a relaxing, uneventful canoe trip down the lazy river, the sights and sounds of nature soothing you? Want the warm midday sun to bronze your shoulders as you calmly drift across the water? This could have just as well been written about my wife!!! She once fell out in less than 6" of water. |
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