BoatBanter.com - History of Beer

HISTORY of BEER

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to
the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization, and together
were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct
subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain, and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can was invented
yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for
them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ and doing the
sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal
movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The
rest became known as girliemen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the trade union, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the
concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on the planet, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized
by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher
testosterone levels than their men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
designated hitter rule in baseball, because it wasn't fair to make the
pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers,
corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works
productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire
other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe that Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. The liberals
crept in after the wild west was tamed, and created a business of trying
to get MORE for nothing.

And you thought beer history was boring.