BoatBanter.com - Why is Jail better than the Navy?

1. No watch standing. There are already people there who get paid to do
that.
2. You actually did something wrong to get the punishment that you’re
receiving (well, in most cases).
3. You actually get twin sized beds.
4. You only have one or two cellmates as opposed to 80.
5. Your cell has more space than an officer’s stateroom.
6. You won’t go six months without a conjugal visit.
7. You get to lay in your bed whenever you damn well please.
8. No uniform inspections – your uniform can looked as ####ed up as you
allow it to get.
9. You get to wear sneakers all day, everyday.
10. You don’t wear the same clothes little three-year-old boys wore back
in the 1930’s.
11. You can get out early on good behavior.
12. When your four-year sentence is almost up, no one tries to convince
you to stay.
13. If there’s a fire, the guard dials 9-1-1, herds everyone out of the
building and everyone waits for the fire department to come take care of
it.
14. There’s no exam required to move you to minimum security.
15. You can curse out the prison staff all you want, nothing happens.
16. When you get out, they can’t call you back to make you serve more
time.
17. You get to play sports everyday.
18. Not busy? Standing around doing nothing? No one cares.
19. No haircuts against your will. You can sport the “Jesus Look” if you
want to.
20. If someone jumps in front of you in the chow line, you push him the
#### out of your way.
21. It’s easier to accept the fact that your wife is cheating on you.
22. They offer money to get people mess crank, mop floors, and move
boxes.
23. There’s a full library.
24. You don’t have to hunt people down for fifty different signatures in
order to qualify as “License Plate Stamper”.
25. They don’t keep you from going back to your cell once every six days.
26. They don’t threaten to keep you from going back to your cell once
every three days for not qualifying as “License Plate Stamper” within
six months after being thrown in jail.
27. No reveille.
28. The water isn’t “made”.
29. You get to play cards all day.
30. You have more opportunity to call home.
31. Everyone there is equally worthless.
32. You get movies AND cable 365 days a year.
33. You have more room to store your stuff
34. Your bed doesn't bear a striking resemblance to a coffin
35. You can kick your neighbor's ass and not worry about being
"rewarded" a fine (although solitary confinement still sounds better
than "out-to-sea" confinement)
36. No squeezing in between chairs attached too ridiculously close to
the tables; you pull out the chair to sit down for chow.
37. You can read books whenever you want.
38. You don’t have to salute the correctional officers.
39. Escaping will never require you to swim in the middle of the ocean.
40. One word: Bail.
41. The plumbing is never in “transit mode”.
42. There’s only one line for signature on the Damage Control PQS: State
the exit that is nearest to your cell.
43. You’ll never have to “Man the barbed-wire fences”.
44. Your bed isn’t less than three feet away from your cellmate’s.
45. Homeless people actually commit crimes so they can get into jail.
How many people on your ship claim to have joined the Navy because they
were homeless?
46. You’ll never have to play “waiter” in the correctional officers’
dining facility.
47. You’ll never have to “shift uniforms” for any reason whatsoever.
48. The gym is better.
49. Your ****ter is available for use 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You
don’t have to worry about finding out which ****ter is the duty ****ter.
50. Speaking of ****ters, jail has a better man-to-****ter ratio: 2 to
1, as opposed to 20 to 1