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Default Berkeley lockdown


BERKELEY, CA—Advising students to remain in their dormitories and
classrooms until the situation was resolved, the University of
California, Berkeley declared a campuswide lockdown Thursday after
several loose pages from The Wall Street Journal were found on a park
bench outside a school building. “At 11:15 this morning, several pages
from two separate sections of today’s Wall Street Journal were
discovered spread across a bench outside of Eshleman Hall in Lower
Sproul Plaza,” read the urgent alert sent to all students and faculty,
emphasizing that while campus security and local police had safely
disposed of the pages, there was no way of knowing if others were strewn
elsewhere on university grounds. “As of now, the perpetrator remains at
large, so it is vital that you stay where you are until the all-clear is
given. In the meantime, notify police immediately if you have any
additional information at all regarding this incident.” At press time, a
black-clad group of 50 students were throwing bottles at the bench while
chanting, “No Nazis, No KKK, No Fascist U.S.A!”



the Onion
 
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