More Union Woes
 

British Organization of Occupational Martyrs Calling for Strike

Unidentified British Newspaper

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a
dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency
talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a
suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this April from 72
to 54. A spokesman said that increases in recent years in the number of suicide
bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or
B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members
and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our
members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask
for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth." Speaking
from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet
Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not
in a position to meet their demands."

They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive
marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins
in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures, or laying
people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my
staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up.

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the
entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as
there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings
has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many
Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their
benefit packages.
--

Guns don't cause problems.
Gun owner behavior causes problems.

More Union Woes
 

On 4/3/2015 7:17 AM, John H. wrote:
British Organization of Occupational Martyrs Calling for Strike

Unidentified British Newspaper

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a
dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency
talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a
suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this April from 72
to 54. A spokesman said that increases in recent years in the number of suicide
bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or
B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members
and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our
members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask
for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth." Speaking
from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet
Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not
in a position to meet their demands."

They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive
marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins
in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures, or laying
people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my
staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up.

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the
entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as
there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings
has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many
Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their
benefit packages.



Stupid.

More Union Woes
 

Yes Richard it's stupid but far more humorous than anything Andy Borowitz can come up with

More Union Woes
 

On 4/3/15 8:48 AM, Tim wrote:
Yes Richard it's stupid but far more humorous than anything Andy Borowitz can come up with



For real giggles, there's always George Carlin on religion.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RT6rL2UroE

"The greatest bull**** stories ever told..."

More Union Woes
 

On Fri, 03 Apr 2015 07:41:21 -0400, "Mr. Luddite" wrote:

On 4/3/2015 7:17 AM, John H. wrote:
British Organization of Occupational Martyrs Calling for Strike

Unidentified British Newspaper

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a
dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency
talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a
suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this April from 72
to 54. A spokesman said that increases in recent years in the number of suicide
bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or
B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members
and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our
members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask
for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth." Speaking
from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet
Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not
in a position to meet their demands."

They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive
marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins
in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures, or laying
people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my
staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up.

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the
entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as
there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings
has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many
Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their
benefit packages.



Stupid.


Sure. It wasn't Borowitz as posted by Krause!
--

Guns don't cause problems.
Gun owner behavior causes problems.

More Union Woes
 

On 4/3/2015 7:17 AM, John H. wrote:
British Organization of Occupational Martyrs Calling for Strike

Unidentified British Newspaper

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a
dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency
talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a
suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this April from 72
to 54. A spokesman said that increases in recent years in the number of suicide
bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or
B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members
and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our
members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask
for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth." Speaking
from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet
Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not
in a position to meet their demands."

They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive
marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins
in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures, or laying
people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my
staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up.

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the
entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as
there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings
has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many
Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their
benefit packages.
?
Was that a Borrowedwitz satire piece?

--

Respectfully submitted by Justan

Laugh of the day from Krause

"I'm not to blame anymore for the atmosphere in here.
I've been "born again" as a nice guy."

More Union Woes
 

On 4/3/2015 9:22 AM, Keyser Söze wrote:
On 4/3/15 8:48 AM, Tim wrote:
Yes Richard it's stupid but far more humorous than anything Andy
Borowitz can come up with



For real giggles, there's always George Carlin on religion.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RT6rL2UroE

"The greatest bull**** stories ever told..."

You might like this piece.

http://www.examiner.com/article/clin...llary-coverage



--

Respectfully submitted by Justan

Laugh of the day from Krause

"I'm not to blame anymore for the atmosphere in here.
I've been "born again" as a nice guy."

More Union Woes
 

On Fri, 03 Apr 2015 10:00:08 -0400, Justan Olphart wrote:

On 4/3/2015 7:17 AM, John H. wrote:
British Organization of Occupational Martyrs Calling for Strike

Unidentified British Newspaper

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a
dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency
talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a
suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this April from 72
to 54. A spokesman said that increases in recent years in the number of suicide
bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or
B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members
and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our
members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask
for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth." Speaking
from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet
Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not
in a position to meet their demands."

They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive
marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins
in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures, or laying
people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my
staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up.

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the
entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as
there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings
has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many
Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their
benefit packages.
?
Was that a Borrowedwitz satire piece?

No, it wasn't stupid enough!
--

Guns don't cause problems.
Gun owner behavior causes problems.

More Union Woes
 

"Mr. Luddite" wrote:
On 4/3/2015 7:17 AM, John H. wrote:
British Organization of Occupational Martyrs Calling for Strike

Unidentified British Newspaper

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a
dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency
talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a
suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this April from 72
to 54. A spokesman said that increases in recent years in the number of suicide
bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or
B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members
and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our
members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask
for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth." Speaking
from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet
Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not
in a position to meet their demands."

They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive
marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins
in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures, or laying
people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my
staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up.

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the
entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as
there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings
has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many
Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their
benefit packages.



Stupid.

But funny. Better than a bunch of borowitz.