Laws of Golf
 

Some have been around, some are new.

LAW 1:
No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have Inner Peace knowing
that a ****tier one is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th
hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a
tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2:
Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst
round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of
people you tell about the former.

LAW 3:
Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the
lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater
its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be partly made
with this most unusual natural alloy.

LAW 4:
Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree
is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5:
The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an
instructor.

LAW 6:
A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your
group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a
football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS
agent -- or some similar combination.

LAW 7:
All 3-woods are demon-possessed. Your Mother in Law does not come close.

LAW 8:
Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly
out of bounds or into the water. See LAW 3.

LAW 9:
The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what
it really should be.

LAW 10:
Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 11:
All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until sunset.

LAW 12:
Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is
really the beginning of the next group of three.

LAW 13:
If it isn't broke, try changing your grip.

LAW 14:
It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 8.

LAW15:
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like
expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

LAW 16:
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

LAW 17:
It's not a gimme if you're still 4 feet away.

LAW 18:
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight
line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

LAW 19:
You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the
time.

LAW 20:
Every Time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make a double or
triple bogey to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

LAW 21:
If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to use it
to lay up just short of a water hazard.

LAW 22:
There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and
checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one
is wearing the glove.

LAW 23:
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

LAW 24:
Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
--

Guns don't cause problems. The behavior
of certain gun owners causes problems.

Laws of Golf
 

On Friday, January 9, 2015 at 3:55:48 PM UTC-5, John H. wrote:
Some have been around, some are new.

LAW 1:
No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have Inner Peace knowing
that a ****tier one is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th
hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a
tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2:
Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst
round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of
people you tell about the former.

LAW 3:
Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the
lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater
its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be partly made
with this most unusual natural alloy.

LAW 4:
Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree
is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5:
The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an
instructor.

LAW 6:
A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your
group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a
football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS
agent -- or some similar combination.

LAW 7:
All 3-woods are demon-possessed. Your Mother in Law does not come close.

LAW 8:
Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly
out of bounds or into the water. See LAW 3.

LAW 9:
The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what
it really should be.

LAW 10:
Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 11:
All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until sunset.

LAW 12:
Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is
really the beginning of the next group of three.

LAW 13:
If it isn't broke, try changing your grip.

LAW 14:
It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 8.

LAW15:
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like
expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

LAW 16:
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

LAW 17:
It's not a gimme if you're still 4 feet away.

LAW 18:
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight
line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

LAW 19:
You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the
time.

LAW 20:
Every Time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make a double or
triple bogey to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

LAW 21:
If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to use it
to lay up just short of a water hazard.

LAW 22:
There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and
checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one
is wearing the glove.

LAW 23:
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

LAW 24:
Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

LAW 25: herring is a racist asshole that's best ignored.