Trapped canoeist uses bacon, makes history
 

John Gann writes:

Mike McCrea wrote:
[snip]
I haven't had to resort to the paranoid's secret code language since I
started lining my hat with tin foil to block the mind-rays from the
black helicopters ;-)

Which way works better? Does the "shiny side" go in or out?
Inquiring minds want to know!

http://zapatopi.net/afdb.html

HTH, HAND ;)

--
James jamesk[at]homeric[dot]co[dot]uk

Beware of low-flying butterflies.

Trapped canoeist uses bacon, makes history
 

OK, OK, maybe I do.

FWIW, I don't find most political humor funny. It's always mean-spirited,
and the context usually reinforces my perception that Americans don't know
much about what actually is going on, which is the one thing I don't have to
be thankful for this T-day. Saying this, of course, brands one as an
elitist, but what the heck.

When it comes to humor, what I've found is nothing beats a combo of sodomy
and the human condition. Like this joke-- oh, never mind.

Mike, to make that hat work the best, the reflective foil needs to be on the
outside.

Don't ask me how I know.

Chuck

in article , Melissa at
wrote on 11/26/03 4:38 PM:

Sometimes, methinks we take ourselves a wee bit too seriously, no?
:-)

- --
Melissa

Trapped canoeist uses bacon, makes history
 

John Gann wrote

Which way works better? Does the "shiny side" go in or out? Inquiring
minds want to know!

John, always remember shiny side out!

If you wear the tin foil protector shiny side it will set up a
harmonic resonance with the fillings in your teeth and attract
flouride from your drinking water to your cerebral cortex, turning you
into a raving pinko commie libral decaf drinker.

Trapped canoeist uses bacon, makes history
 

Kegs wrote:
John Gann writes:
Mike McCrea wrote:
[snip]
I haven't had to resort to the paranoid's secret code language since I
started lining my hat with tin foil to block the mind-rays from the
black helicopters ;-)

Which way works better? Does the "shiny side" go in or out?
Inquiring minds want to know!


http://zapatopi.net/afdb.html

HTH, HAND ;)

That's it! Many thanks for the useful info. I now realize that my
doggies can benefit as well. (I wondered why they always liked to stay
so close to me.)

jg
--
John Gann /) 83°52'49"W
(865)924-4203 O_/ 35°57'25"N
_____(\/_____
~~~~~~~~~~`~-~~-/-~~-'~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ / ~~~~ ~~~~ ~

Trapped canoeist uses bacon, makes history
 

Mike McCrea wrote:

John Gann wrote
Which way works better? Does the "shiny side" go in or out? Inquiring
minds want to know!


John, always remember shiny side out!
If you wear the tin foil protector shiny side it will set up a
harmonic resonance with the fillings in your teeth and attract
flouride from your drinking water to your cerebral cortex, turning you
into a raving pinko commie libral decaf drinker.

Thanks for the tip, Mike. Shiny side out it is, for me and the doggies.

jg
--
John Gann /) 83°52'49"W
(865)924-4203 O_/ 35°57'25"N
_____(\/_____
~~~~~~~~~~`~-~~-/-~~-'~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ / ~~~~ ~~~~ ~

Trapped canoeist uses bacon, makes history
 

Melissa wrote:

I may be mistaken, but I really don't feel that Mike was necessarily
trying to promote a particular political ideology; rather, just using
well-known stereotypes as a vehicle for his satire.

Sometimes, methinks we take ourselves a wee bit too seriously, no?
:-)

Melissa, you just echoed my thoughts!

At first I thought it was a bit bizarre, although definately funny,
McCrea type story. That was before I read the original news-article
about the beacon character, that is. Now that I see the parallel, I find
it even more amusing!

--
Wilko van den Bergh Wilkoa t)dse(d o tnl
Eindhoven The Netherlands Europe
Look at the possibilities, don't worry about the limitations.
http://wilko.webzone.ru/

Trapped canoeist uses bacon, makes history
 

Mike,
Very funny. I do have to make one of your trips.
Al Kubeluis
"Mike McCrea" wrote in message
m...
Trapped canoeist uses bacon, makes history

11/20/33

Shlomo Poodleski
Plain Brownwrapper Reporter

Biff Torkenton knew he was in trouble last Friday after piloting his
hovercanoe into a remote section of the Adirondack Reserve in upstate
New York, but he had no idea he would eventually be saved by his
breakfast supplies.

Only hours into his solo journey, the sky unexpectedly became dark,
and temperatures plunged to the low 50's, despite the biodome encasing
this last remaining stand of forest in the eastern US, essentially
trapping him a godforsaken wilderness when his hovercanoe's solar
cells became inoperative.

Fortunately, Torkenton - an administrator at Department of Redundancy
Department and wilderness travel re-enactor - had packed a slab of
contraband bacon, a fleshy substance derived from pigs, illegal in the
United States since President Chelsea Clinton passed the Vegan Food
act of 2026.

Torkenton, 105, of the megalopolis of Cleveland-Columbus, realized
that he had but one chance to escape before the being mauled by
Adirondack's ravenous mutant chipmunks, and placed his illicit bacon
on a heating device (a "stove" in wilderness re-enactor terminology).

The scent of cooking animal flesh activated a monitoring station
manned by PETA personnel who transmitted his location to the FBC (Food
Beverage and Condiments) Police. That information was sent to the
World Government Coordination Center in Stockholm, which alerted
emergency services in the US State of Ontario.

Just over seven minutes after sending his odoriferous message for
help, Torkenton was picked up by a rescue team from the Army's
Peacekeeper and Democracy Building Detachment, rotated home from duty
in Iraq only weeks before.

His rescue was the first using bacon in the contiguous United States,
and the first rescue employing an animal product since the now-famous
incident involving a group of stranded Alaskan salmon watchers,
immortalized in the movie "Saved By Spam".

The camping trip was his 12th trip into the park, although on previous
trips he had re-enacted staying at a B&B, driving to scenic overlooks
and finding an RV campsite with HBO.

Torkenton said forecasts gave no hint of the darkness that would sweep
though the area at sunset. He weathered the failing light and
impending darkness for three minutes before deciding to call for help.
"If you get into a situation where it's getting dark, what are the
alternatives? Somebody has got to come for you," he said, adding, "I
want my surrogate animatronic Mommy"

Torkenton said he still had water and provisions but didn't know when
the sun would reappear. "I didn't feel like I was in dire straits. I
just knew that it was getting dark and spooky, and didn't know if that
situation would change for the positive anytime soon," said Torkenton,
a manager of Instructional Technology for Technological Instruction
Division at the Department of Redundancy Department.

When he heard the approaching rescuers, confirming that the bacon had
actually worked, Torkenton said his first thought was, "They really
are coming to save my bacon".

"I'm happy I made the decision to purchase the bacon, and I'm happy
the bacon worked, and I'm really, really really happy nobody got hurt
by any of the hot grease that spattered".

Nonetheless, Torkenton will return to the park this weekend to recover
his hovercanoe and other gear. He will be packing a ham and cheese on
rye but isn't itching to become the second PETA-assisted rescue.

"What do you think the chances are I'd pull that again unless I was
inches away from a hangnail or worse? I don't mind being first, but I
sure don't want to be caught with my meat out in public twice".

Trapped canoeist uses bacon, makes history
 

"What do you think the chances are I'd pull that again unless I was
inches away from a hangnail or worse? I don't mind being first, but I
sure don't want to be caught with my meat out in public twice".

On a more serious note, he activated his PLB again two weeks later in
the same area. He was videotaping the chopper when it came to "rescue"
him this time.

Link to 2nd "rescue" story below. What a nutjob!

http://news10now.com/content/all_new...=2940&SecID=83

Trapped canoeist uses bacon, makes history
 

I'm glad to see that they busted him for it; he deserves it. It just
goes to show that some people are stupid enough to try to substitute
technology for personal responsibility. It's this kind of abuse that
could quickly overburden SAR organizations and cause real problems when
there is an actual emergency and someone REALLY needs to be rescued. I
hope they fine the hell out of this guy.

Mike McCrea wrote:
"What do you think the chances are I'd pull that again unless I was
inches away from a hangnail or worse? I don't mind being first, but I
sure don't want to be caught with my meat out in public twice".


On a more serious note, he activated his PLB again two weeks later in
the same area. He was videotaping the chopper when it came to "rescue"
him this time.

Link to 2nd "rescue" story below. What a nutjob!

http://news10now.com/content/all_new...=2940&SecID=83