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Republicans Propose Replacing Social Security with Groupons
May 31, 2011 Republicans Propose Replacing Social Security with Groupons Plan Would Offer Deep Discounts for Cat Food, Surgery WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – Presenting what he called a revolutionary plan to slash the nation’s mountain of debt, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) today proposed eliminating the Social Security program in its entirety and replacing it with Groupons. “Instead of waiting each month for a check from Social Security, America’s elderly will receive valuable Groupons for everything they need, from Ramen noodles to cat food to caskets,” Mr. Ryan said in an appearance on Fox News. Adding that Groupons would also help provide for elders’ medical needs, the congressman illustrated his point by holding up a Groupon offering 30 percent off on open-heart surgery in Cincinnati. Moving on from Social Security, Mr. Ryan also proposed replacing Medicare with a new program in which seniors are shot at by Predator drones. Additionally, Mr. Ryan said, in his new budget so-called “friends with benefits” would lose their benefits. “If they’re really friends, they should be satisfied if the evening ends with a voucher,” he said. Speaker of the House John Boehner, appearing alongside Rep. Ryan, offered these words of praise for the Wisconsin congressman: “Preachers like Harold Camping go around predicting the end of the world, but it’s guys like Paul Ryan who do the hard work of making it happen.” -- Want to discuss recreational boating and fishing in a forum where personal insults are not allowed? http://groups.google.com/group/rec-boating-fishing |
Republicans Propose Replacing Social Security with Groupons
In article , payer3389
@mypacks.net says... May 31, 2011 Republicans Propose Replacing Social Security with Groupons Plan Would Offer Deep Discounts for Cat Food, Surgery WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) ? Presenting what he called a revolutionary plan to slash the nation?s mountain of debt, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) today proposed eliminating the Social Security program in its entirety and replacing it with Groupons. ?Instead of waiting each month for a check from Social Security, America?s elderly will receive valuable Groupons for everything they need, from Ramen noodles to cat food to caskets,? Mr. Ryan said in an appearance on Fox News. Adding that Groupons would also help provide for elders? medical needs, the congressman illustrated his point by holding up a Groupon offering 30 percent off on open-heart surgery in Cincinnati. Moving on from Social Security, Mr. Ryan also proposed replacing Medicare with a new program in which seniors are shot at by Predator drones. Additionally, Mr. Ryan said, in his new budget so-called ?friends with benefits? would lose their benefits. ?If they?re really friends, they should be satisfied if the evening ends with a voucher,? he said. Speaker of the House John Boehner, appearing alongside Rep. Ryan, offered these words of praise for the Wisconsin congressman: ?Preachers like Harold Camping go around predicting the end of the world, but it?s guys like Paul Ryan who do the hard work of making it happen.? Why don't you post this **** on your new kiddy club group instead of here? |
Republicans Propose Replacing Social Security with Groupons
On 5/31/2011 9:21 AM, Harryk wrote:
May 31, 2011 Republicans Propose Replacing Social Security with Groupons Plan Would Offer Deep Discounts for Cat Food, Surgery WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – Presenting what he called a revolutionary plan to slash the nation’s mountain of debt, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) today proposed eliminating the Social Security program in its entirety and replacing it with Groupons. “Instead of waiting each month for a check from Social Security, America’s elderly will receive valuable Groupons for everything they need, from Ramen noodles to cat food to caskets,” Mr. Ryan said in an appearance on Fox News. Adding that Groupons would also help provide for elders’ medical needs, the congressman illustrated his point by holding up a Groupon offering 30 percent off on open-heart surgery in Cincinnati. Moving on from Social Security, Mr. Ryan also proposed replacing Medicare with a new program in which seniors are shot at by Predator drones. Additionally, Mr. Ryan said, in his new budget so-called “friends with benefits” would lose their benefits. “If they’re really friends, they should be satisfied if the evening ends with a voucher,” he said. Speaker of the House John Boehner, appearing alongside Rep. Ryan, offered these words of praise for the Wisconsin congressman: “Preachers like Harold Camping go around predicting the end of the world, but it’s guys like Paul Ryan who do the hard work of making it happen.” Reading that crap has turned your brain to mush. Those men in white coats will be knocking on your door sooner than later. Please don't shoot them. They only mean to help you. |
Republicans Propose Replacing Social Security with Groupons
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