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Secular Humanist[_4_] September 2nd 10 06:56 PM

Cats and Pills
 
In article ,
says...

"Secular Humanist" wrote in message
...
In article ,

says...

"Secular Humanist" wrote in message
...
In article ,

says...

"Secular Humanist" wrote in message
...
In article ,

says...

"Secular Humanist" wrote in message
...
In article ,

says...

"John H" wrote in message
...
This is probably going to earn 'racist' or 'moron' names from
some
of
our
more
illustrious members, but what the hell....


Cats and Pills - How to do It!

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as
if
holding a
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's
mouth
and
gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right
hand.
As
cat
opens
mouth pop pill into
mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle
cat
in
left
arm
and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm
holding
rear
paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back
of
mouth
with
right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of
wardrobe.

Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold
front
and
rear
paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold
head
firmly
with
one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop
pill
down
ruler
and
rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil
wrap.
Make
note to
buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines
and
vases
from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with
head
just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,
force
cat's
mouth
open with pencil, insert straw down cat's throat, and blow
down
drinking
straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink
one
beer
to
take
taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm, and remove
blood
from
carpet
with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open
another
beer.
Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head
showing.
Force
mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with
elastic
band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back
on
hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot. Drink. Apply
cold
compress
to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply
whiskey
compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw
Tee-shirt
away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Call fire department to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree
across
the
road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid
cat.
Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with
garden
twine
and
bind
tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves
from
shed.
Push
pill
into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough
about
it.
Hold
head
vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill
down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to
the
emergency
room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
and
removes
pill
remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to
order
new
table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring
local
pet
shop to
see if they have any hamsters.


How To Give A Dog A Pill:

1) Wrap it in bacon.

--
John H

All decisions are the result of binary thinking.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You're as dumb as they come.


Can you point to the part where anybody said the opposite?

Can you point to the moron in your room? Hint: Use the mirror.


Three posts read by you. Calling someone a moron all three times.
Hmmm,
are you projecting perhaps?

Are you a moron? Yes. Just stating fact.


Do tell. What do you know of my mental abilities? Have we met? Have you
the credentials to make such a statement? If so, what ARE those
credentials? Have you subjected me (or anybody else you call morons) to
an I.Q. test?

I wouldn't want to insult you by asking for your IQ test results. Prove
you're not a moron by cleaning up your act. I have no problem with people
who disagree with me. I have a big problem with people who are racists
and
liars.


Clean up my act? I don't come here to call people silly names and insult
them, YOU do.


Actually, you've been doing this for quite some time.

I'll make you a deal. You stop spoofing people and make an honest attempt to
present your ideas, and I won't call you a moron.


You're a moron.

Secular Humanist[_4_] September 2nd 10 06:56 PM

Cats and Pills
 
In article ,
says...

"Secular Humanist" wrote in message
...
In article ,

says...

"Secular Humanist" wrote in message
...
In article ,

says...

"Secular Humanist" wrote in message
...
In article ,

says...

"Secular Humanist" wrote in message
...
In article ,

says...

"John H" wrote in message
...
This is probably going to earn 'racist' or 'moron' names from
some
of
our
more
illustrious members, but what the hell....


Cats and Pills - How to do It!

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as
if
holding a
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's
mouth
and
gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right
hand.
As
cat
opens
mouth pop pill into
mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle
cat
in
left
arm
and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm
holding
rear
paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back
of
mouth
with
right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of
wardrobe.

Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold
front
and
rear
paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold
head
firmly
with
one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop
pill
down
ruler
and
rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil
wrap.
Make
note to
buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines
and
vases
from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with
head
just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,
force
cat's
mouth
open with pencil, insert straw down cat's throat, and blow
down
drinking
straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink
one
beer
to
take
taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm, and remove
blood
from
carpet
with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open
another
beer.
Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head
showing.
Force
mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with
elastic
band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back
on
hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot. Drink. Apply
cold
compress
to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply
whiskey
compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw
Tee-shirt
away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Call fire department to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree
across
the
road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid
cat.
Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with
garden
twine
and
bind
tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves
from
shed.
Push
pill
into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough
about
it.
Hold
head
vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill
down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to
the
emergency
room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
and
removes
pill
remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to
order
new
table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring
local
pet
shop to
see if they have any hamsters.


How To Give A Dog A Pill:

1) Wrap it in bacon.

--
John H

All decisions are the result of binary thinking.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You're as dumb as they come.


Can you point to the part where anybody said the opposite?

Can you point to the moron in your room? Hint: Use the mirror.


Three posts read by you. Calling someone a moron all three times.
Hmmm,
are you projecting perhaps?

Are you a moron? Yes. Just stating fact.


Do tell. What do you know of my mental abilities? Have we met? Have you
the credentials to make such a statement? If so, what ARE those
credentials? Have you subjected me (or anybody else you call morons) to
an I.Q. test?

I wouldn't want to insult you by asking for your IQ test results. Prove
you're not a moron by cleaning up your act. I have no problem with people
who disagree with me. I have a big problem with people who are racists
and
liars.


Clean up my act? I don't come here to call people silly names and insult
them, YOU do.


Actually, you've been doing this for quite some time.

I'll make you a deal. You stop spoofing people and make an honest attempt to
present your ideas, and I won't call you a moron.


I'm not spoofing anyone. I'm Harry Krause of Huntingtown, MD. If you
want, I'll post my phone numbers and address. That way you can call and
talk to either me or my southern belle wife.

Larry[_29_] September 3rd 10 12:45 AM

Cats and Pills
 
Secular Humanist wrote:
In ,
says...

"Secular wrote in message
...

In ,

says...

"Secular wrote in message
...

In ,

says...

"Secular wrote in message
...

In ,

says...

"John wrote in message
...

This is probably going to earn 'racist' or 'moron' names from
some
of
our
more
illustrious members, but what the hell....


Cats and Pills - How to do It!

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's
mouth
and
gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.
As
cat
opens
mouth pop pill into
mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat
in
left
arm
and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding
rear
paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
mouth
with
right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.

Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold
front
and
rear
paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly
with
one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill
down
ruler
and
rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil
wrap.
Make
note to
buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines
and
vases
from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head
just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,
force
cat's
mouth
open with pencil, insert straw down cat's throat, and blow down
drinking
straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one
beer
to
take
taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm, and remove blood
from
carpet
with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open
another
beer.
Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head
showing.
Force
mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with
elastic
band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot. Drink. Apply
cold
compress
to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply
whiskey
compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw
Tee-shirt
away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Call fire department to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree
across
the
road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid
cat.
Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with garden
twine
and
bind
tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves
from
shed.
Push
pill
into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough
about
it.
Hold
head
vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill
down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency
room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and
removes
pill
remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order
new
table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring
local
pet
shop to
see if they have any hamsters.


How To Give A Dog A Pill:

1) Wrap it in bacon.

--
John H

All decisions are the result of binary thinking.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You're as dumb as they come.


Can you point to the part where anybody said the opposite?

Can you point to the moron in your room? Hint: Use the mirror.


Three posts read by you. Calling someone a moron all three times. Hmmm,
are you projecting perhaps?

Are you a moron? Yes. Just stating fact.


Do tell. What do you know of my mental abilities? Have we met? Have you
the credentials to make such a statement? If so, what ARE those
credentials? Have you subjected me (or anybody else you call morons) to
an I.Q. test?

I wouldn't want to insult you by asking for your IQ test results. Prove
you're not a moron by cleaning up your act. I have no problem with people
who disagree with me. I have a big problem with people who are racists and
liars.

Clean up my act? I don't come here to call people silly names and insult
them, YOU do.

She has a big problem with people who are liars? WAFA is her buddy. WAFJ!

nom=de=plume[_2_] September 3rd 10 12:54 AM

Cats and Pills
 

"Larry" wrote in message
...
Secular Humanist wrote:
In ,
says...

"Secular wrote in message
...

In ,

says...

"Secular wrote in message
...

In ,

says...

"Secular wrote in message
...

In ,

says...

"John wrote in message
...

This is probably going to earn 'racist' or 'moron' names from
some
of
our
more
illustrious members, but what the hell....


Cats and Pills - How to do It!

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's
mouth
and
gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.
As
cat
opens
mouth pop pill into
mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat
in
left
arm
and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding
rear
paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
mouth
with
right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.

Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold
front
and
rear
paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly
with
one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill
down
ruler
and
rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil
wrap.
Make
note to
buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines
and
vases
from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head
just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,
force
cat's
mouth
open with pencil, insert straw down cat's throat, and blow down
drinking
straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one
beer
to
take
taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm, and remove blood
from
carpet
with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open
another
beer.
Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head
showing.
Force
mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with
elastic
band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot. Drink. Apply
cold
compress
to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply
whiskey
compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw
Tee-shirt
away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Call fire department to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree
across
the
road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid
cat.
Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with garden
twine
and
bind
tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves
from
shed.
Push
pill
into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough
about
it.
Hold
head
vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill
down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency
room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and
removes
pill
remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order
new
table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring
local
pet
shop to
see if they have any hamsters.


How To Give A Dog A Pill:

1) Wrap it in bacon.

--
John H

All decisions are the result of binary thinking.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You're as dumb as they come.


Can you point to the part where anybody said the opposite?

Can you point to the moron in your room? Hint: Use the mirror.


Three posts read by you. Calling someone a moron all three times.
Hmmm,
are you projecting perhaps?

Are you a moron? Yes. Just stating fact.


Do tell. What do you know of my mental abilities? Have we met? Have you
the credentials to make such a statement? If so, what ARE those
credentials? Have you subjected me (or anybody else you call morons) to
an I.Q. test?

I wouldn't want to insult you by asking for your IQ test results. Prove
you're not a moron by cleaning up your act. I have no problem with
people
who disagree with me. I have a big problem with people who are racists
and
liars.

Clean up my act? I don't come here to call people silly names and insult
them, YOU do.

She has a big problem with people who are liars? WAFA is her buddy.
WAFJ!


WAFA would be you.



John H[_2_] September 3rd 10 12:55 AM

Cats and Pills
 
On Sep 1, 1:20*am, "*e#c" wrote:
On Aug 31, 8:00*pm, "Aggravated" wrote:



"Larry" wrote in message


m...


*e#c wrote:
On Aug 31, 6:04 pm, *wrote:


"John *wrote in message


...


This is probably going to earn 'racist' or 'moron' names from some of
our
more
illustrious members, but what the hell....


Cats and Pills - How to do It!


1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a
baby. *Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's
mouth
and
gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As
cat
opens
mouth pop pill into
mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.


2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left
arm
and repeat process.


3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.


4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding *rear
paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with
right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.


5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.


Call spouse from garden.


6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front *and
rear
paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly
with
one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down
ruler
and
rub cat's throat vigorously.


7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap..
Make
note to
buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines
and
vases
from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.


8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
cat's
mouth
open with pencil, insert straw down cat's throat, and blow down
drinking
straw.


9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer
to
take
taste away. *Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm, and remove blood from
carpet
with cold water and soap.


10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer.
Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing.
Force
mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic
band..


11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. *Fetch bottle of scotch. *Pour shot. Drink. Apply cold
compress
to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey
compress to cheek to disinfect. *Toss back another shot. Throw
Tee-shirt
away and fetch new one from bedroom.


12) Call fire department to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across
the
road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid
cat.
Take last pill from foil-wrap.


13) Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and
bind
tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from
shed.
Push
pill
into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. *Be rough about it.
Hold
head
vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down..


14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency
room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes
pill
remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new
table.


15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet
shop to
see if they have any hamsters.


* * * How To Give A Dog A Pill:


* * *1) Wrap it in bacon.


--
John H


All decisions are the result of binary thinking.


Cats are smarter than dogs. You're as dumb as they come.


I thought the stupid, old, crusty fart said he was leaving for
Utah.....another lie.


They have internet access there now. *Why are you responding to that dumb,
lying bitch?


His computer(s) probably aren't wi-fi capable and he doesn't know that just
about every franchise restaurant/motel in the US has no charge open
networks.


Gee...really...wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

You're statements are dumber than Larry the Whores......


Anyone who says, "You're statements are..." should never use the word
'dumber' when referring to another.

Yes, there is internet access in most states now.

JohnH

John H[_2_] September 3rd 10 12:59 AM

Cats and Pills
 
On Sep 1, 7:10*pm, Larry wrote:
Aggravated wrote:

"Larry" wrote in message
m...
*e#c wrote:


I thought the stupid, old, crusty fart said he was leaving for
Utah.....another lie.


They have internet access there now. *Why are you responding to that
dumb, lying bitch?


His computer(s) probably aren't wi-fi capable and he doesn't know that
just about every franchise restaurant/motel in the US has no charge
open networks.


Good point.


Both Flying J and Petro charge about $4.95 for wifi, even if only for
an hour or so. We stayed at a Petro last night. Too cheap to use the
computer though. I got my wife a IPAD for her birthday, and she gets
internet access with that. This little campground we're at now has
wifi, and I'm using her laptop. Pain in the butt.

John H[_2_] September 3rd 10 01:00 AM

Cats and Pills
 
On Sep 2, 7:45*pm, Larry wrote:
Secular Humanist wrote:
In ,
says...


"Secular *wrote in message
...


In ,
says...


"Secular *wrote in message
...


In ,

says...


"Secular *wrote in message
al-september.org...


In ,

says...


"John *wrote in message
news:iesq76h2g5blb29qv23ujn8i0rvfekj58g@4a x.com...


This is probably going to earn 'racist' or 'moron' names from
some
of
our
more
illustrious members, but what the hell....


Cats and Pills - How to do It!


1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a
baby. *Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's
mouth
and
gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.
As
cat
opens
mouth pop pill into
mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.


2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat
in
left
arm
and repeat process.


3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.


4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding
rear
paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
mouth
with
right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.


5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.


Call spouse from garden.


6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold
front
and
rear
paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly
with
one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill
down
ruler
and
rub cat's throat vigorously.


7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil
wrap.
Make
note to
buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines
and
vases
from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.


8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head
just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,
force
cat's
mouth
open with pencil, insert straw down cat's throat, and blow down
drinking
straw.


9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one
beer
to
take
taste away. *Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm, and remove blood
from
carpet
with cold water and soap.


10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open
another
beer.
Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head
showing.
Force
mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with
elastic
band.


11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges.
Drink beer. *Fetch bottle of scotch. *Pour shot. Drink. Apply
cold
compress
to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply
whiskey
compress to cheek to disinfect. *Toss back another shot. Throw
Tee-shirt
away and fetch new one from bedroom.


12) Call fire department to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree
across
the
road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid
cat.
Take last pill from foil-wrap.


13) Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with garden
twine
and
bind
tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves
from
shed.
Push
pill
into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. *Be rough
about
it.
Hold
head
vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill
down.


14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency
room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and
removes
pill
remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order
new
table.


15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring
local
pet
shop to
see if they have any hamsters.


* * * How To Give A Dog A Pill:


* * *1) Wrap it in bacon.


--
John H


All decisions are the result of binary thinking.


Cats are smarter than dogs. You're as dumb as they come.


Can you point to the part where anybody said the opposite?


Can you point to the moron in your room? Hint: Use the mirror.


Three posts read by you. Calling someone a moron all three times. Hmmm,
are you projecting perhaps?


Are you a moron? Yes. Just stating fact.


Do tell. What do you know of my mental abilities? Have we met? Have you
the credentials to make such a statement? If so, what ARE those
credentials? Have you subjected me (or anybody else you call morons) to
an I.Q. test?


I wouldn't want to insult you by asking for your IQ test results. Prove
you're not a moron by cleaning up your act. I have no problem with people
who disagree with me. I have a big problem with people who are racists and
liars.


Clean up my act? I don't come here to call people silly names and insult
them, YOU do.


She has a big problem with people who are liars? *WAFA is her buddy. *WAFJ!


LOL!!

I am Tosk September 3rd 10 01:16 AM

Cats and Pills
 
In article ,
says...

Secular Humanist wrote:
In ,

says...

"Secular wrote in message
...

In ,

says...

"Secular wrote in message
...

In ,

says...

"Secular wrote in message
...

In ,

says...

"John wrote in message
...

This is probably going to earn 'racist' or 'moron' names from
some
of
our
more
illustrious members, but what the hell....


Cats and Pills - How to do It!

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's
mouth
and
gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.
As
cat
opens
mouth pop pill into
mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat
in
left
arm
and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding
rear
paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
mouth
with
right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.

Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold
front
and
rear
paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly
with
one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill
down
ruler
and
rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil
wrap.
Make
note to
buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines
and
vases
from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head
just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,
force
cat's
mouth
open with pencil, insert straw down cat's throat, and blow down
drinking
straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one
beer
to
take
taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm, and remove blood
from
carpet
with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open
another
beer.
Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head
showing.
Force
mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with
elastic
band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot. Drink. Apply
cold
compress
to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply
whiskey
compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw
Tee-shirt
away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Call fire department to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree
across
the
road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid
cat.
Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with garden
twine
and
bind
tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves
from
shed.
Push
pill
into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough
about
it.
Hold
head
vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill
down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency
room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and
removes
pill
remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order
new
table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring
local
pet
shop to
see if they have any hamsters.


How To Give A Dog A Pill:

1) Wrap it in bacon.

--
John H

All decisions are the result of binary thinking.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You're as dumb as they come.


Can you point to the part where anybody said the opposite?

Can you point to the moron in your room? Hint: Use the mirror.


Three posts read by you. Calling someone a moron all three times. Hmmm,
are you projecting perhaps?

Are you a moron? Yes. Just stating fact.


Do tell. What do you know of my mental abilities? Have we met? Have you
the credentials to make such a statement? If so, what ARE those
credentials? Have you subjected me (or anybody else you call morons) to
an I.Q. test?

I wouldn't want to insult you by asking for your IQ test results. Prove
you're not a moron by cleaning up your act. I have no problem with people
who disagree with me. I have a big problem with people who are racists and
liars.

Clean up my act? I don't come here to call people silly names and insult
them, YOU do.

She has a big problem with people who are liars? WAFA is her buddy. WAFJ!


Was that harrie that says he doesn't call names here? It's all he
does... There's that whole "progressive facts" machine running wild
again...

--
Rowdy Mouse Racing - We race for cheese!


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