Redneck humor from Larry the Cable Guy
 

1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in
the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11.. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
21.. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck
happened?'
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos.
What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Redneck humor from Larry the Cable Guy
 

On 9/30/09 3:24 PM, Lu Powell wrote:

1. A day without sunshine is like night.


Have you anything to post that indicates you or your source have had a
thought?



--
Birther-Deather-Tenther-Teabagger:
Idiots All

Redneck humor from Larry the Cable Guy
 

On Wed, 30 Sep 2009 15:24:02 -0400, "Lu Powell"
wrote:


1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in
the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11.. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
21.. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck
happened?'
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos.
What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Thanks Lu. Good stuff.
--
John H

All decisions, even those of liberals, are the result of binary thinking.

Redneck humor from Larry the Cable Guy
 

On Thu, 01 Oct 2009 03:00:42 -0400, wrote:

On Wed, 30 Sep 2009 16:43:06 -0400, JohnH
wrote:
..

Thanks Lu. Good stuff.

Some of those jokes are older than Dan Whitney.

Yup. But, some were new.
--
John H

All decisions, even those of liberals, are the result of binary thinking.

Redneck humor from Larry the Cable Guy
 

On Oct 1, 3:24*pm, JohnH wrote:
On Thu, 01 Oct 2009 03:00:42 -0400, wrote:
On Wed, 30 Sep 2009 16:43:06 -0400, JohnH
wrote:
.

Thanks Lu. Good stuff.

Some of those jokes are older than Dan Whitney.

Yup. But, some were new.
--
John H

All decisions, even those of liberals, are the result of binary
thinking.

This probably is too, but....


The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite
fighting unit called the:

United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)

These mostly Southern boys will be dropped off into Afghanistan and
will be given only the following facts about the Taliban and
terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
4. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the problem in Afghanistan to be over by Friday.
Applications are available at your local Wal-Mart sporting goods
counter.

Redneck humor from Larry the Cable Guy
 

On 10/1/09 10:24 PM, Tim wrote:
On Oct 1, 3:24 pm, wrote:
On Thu, 01 Oct 2009 03:00:42 -0400, wrote:
On Wed, 30 Sep 2009 16:43:06 -0400,
wrote:
.

Thanks Lu. Good stuff.

Some of those jokes are older than Dan Whitney.

Yup. But, some were new.
--
John H

All decisions, even those of liberals, are the result of binary
thinking.

This probably is too, but....


The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite
fighting unit called the:

United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)

These mostly Southern boys will be dropped off into Afghanistan and
will be given only the following facts about the Taliban and
terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
4. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the problem in Afghanistan to be over by Friday.
Applications are available at your local Wal-Mart sporting goods
counter.


My guess is that all 500 will be headless and roasting on an Afghani
spit by Monday.



--
Birther-Deather-Tenther-Teabagger:
Idiots All

Redneck humor from Larry the Cable Guy
 

On Thu, 1 Oct 2009 19:24:33 -0700 (PDT), Tim
wrote:


The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite
fighting unit called the:

United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)

These mostly Southern boys will be dropped off into Afghanistan and
will be given only the following facts about the Taliban and
terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
4. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the problem in Afghanistan to be over by Friday.
Applications are available at your local Wal-Mart sporting goods
counter.

I'm heading to Wal-Mart right now!

--
John H

All decisions, even those of liberals, are the result of binary thinking.