BoatBanter.com - the UGLY YACHTSMAN's Page

http://www.99main.com/~elmergw/

"(This page best viewed with a monitor)

To qualify for entry at least 3 of the statements below must be true.
IF:

* You have used a piling to surgically remove anything from your
boat
* Any of your yachting clothes have camouflage
* Any of your yachting foot wear have steel toes
* You don't have a parrot
* Your boat is equipped with a "who-ha" AND a "dammit"
* You've ever considered your flare gun as a weapon
* You've NEVER paid for your FCC License (and never will!)
* You've ever painted signs or messages below the waterline in
different color anti-fouling paint
* Everyone on board is required to yell "Arrrggghhhhh!" whenever
water is taken over the bow.
* You've managed to pump your Holding Tank to the main salon
bilge.
* Your crew knows what "Take the who-ha to the port winch!" and
"watch the dammit!" means.
* You've been to sea on a submarine
* The words "Viking Funeral" appear anywhere in your will.
* You've ever tried to do ANYTHING around the shaft seal on a 1980
Hunter 33
* Any of your winches have a Magic Marker arrow on it indicating
direction to wrap the sheet
* You have a parrot
* You've ever uttered "Please don't throw-up upwind of me."
* You've ever run "bare poles" in a hurricane tsunami life
threatening squall (40 knots of wind and rain in Fisher's Island
Sound) and called below for Nicorette gum.

YESI qualify!
No, I am just too damn cultured "

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STORIES PICTURES
How the Ugly Yachtsman Came To Be

New Boat! 2002
Bumper Drills

Racing 2001
Sail Handling Made Easy

2001
Rock, Fiberglass, Scissors"

1999 & 2000
BRIDGES, TUGS, and the "NEAR DEATH" experience

Racing 98
Lobster Pots

98
WARNING!! Is Your Boat MOLTING?

97
Injuries and Boating

96
RACING with the Ugly Yachtsman

Thames River vs Mystic River
A "Special" Ugly Yachtsman BOAT RAGE!!!!

Cold Warriors (from my submarining days)
Brothers and Sisters! Lemme tell ya 'bout that HAZMAT!

More Stories
An Art Form

NEW!! The New BOAT!! (03 Dec 2002)
Day From Hell (new)

Even Newer! Flat Hammock (01 Jan 2003)
PUMP OUT (22 Aug 01 gross!)