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August 14, 2003

Bob Welch: Radio spoof on KUGN hardly funny
By Bob Welch
Columnist, The Register-Guard

Recently I was driving home, listening to a radio talk show, when I suddenly
realized its gist: A caller representing a retirement center was defending
seniors who wanted to get hold of a photo of Laci Peterson's dead baby.

The folks at the center were placing bets on whether Conner looked more like
his murdered mother or his father, Scott, who'd been arrested in connection
with Laci's death.

"The winners," the woman said, "get an ice cream social thrown in their
honor!"

The talk-show host acted disgusted. "There's a sickness in people who get
grins from doing this stuff," Phil Hendrie said.

Actually, Hendrie is grinning all the way to the bank.

His Los Angeles-based talk show - it's all parody - is syndicated to more
than 80 radio stations around the country, including, since January, KUGN.

As a sort of radio ventriloquist, he plays both the talk-show host and the
guest, spoofing the public with outlandish topics that range from "Spades
Social, a club where white men can go, relax and make racial jokes" to a man
who "claims that dog owners sexually abuse their animals because they want
to create a subspecies of man beast."

A small percent of listeners, who don't pick up on the parody, call in and,
with help from Hendrie, tangle with the "guest."

Hendrie expressed dismay, for example, at the woman who wanted to conduct
sex workshops for underage girls in order to honor the sacrifices made by
those who died aboard the space shuttle Columbia. And was so outraged by a
"caller" whose child died when left in a car - and blamed it on auto
makers - that he offered listeners the sound of sizzling bacon to make his
point.

Harmless audio stimuli? More like three hours of humankind at its worst.
Give him this: Phil Hendrie is creative; at times, funny. But he's radio's
answer to Jerry Springer, whipping people into frenzies that, despite their
satirical bents, smack of human cockfights.

But, then, maybe I just can't take a joke. (And maybe I'm not alone;
Hendrie's latest Arbitron numbers for Eugene were a paltry 1.3 shares of
adults ages 25 to 54.)

"Here's the value of the show, besides its entertainment value: It allows us
and him to go into areas and talk about things that are very difficult to
approach otherwise," says G. Michael Donovan, market manager for Cumulus
Broadcasting in Eugene, which owns KUGN.

Things like, what, racism? (Hendrie says to one "caller": "Are you black,
because you sound black - sort of an Aunt Jemima thing.")

Things like, what, a "guest" who talks about a tour of Auschwitz followed by
a boxed lunch and a day at an Octoberfest?

Things like, what, a possible takeoff show, patterned after "The Bachelor,"
to be called "The Retard?" (About women taking care of men with
disabilities.)

Suffice it to say that Hendrie is not exactly Ed Bradley of "60 Minutes"
when approaching these "very difficult" subjects.

The irony is that KUGN added Hendrie on the heels of axing Michael Savage,
whose caustic liberal-bashing rattled many. Local-oriented Dan Carlin is a
definite upgrade from Savage in the afternoon slot. But with Hendrie on
board from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m., it's like King Kong left and Godzilla arrived,
even if the less-political Hendrie has inspired little of the outcry that
Savage did.

"The difference between Phil and Savage is that Savage pandered to people's
worst instincts," Donovan says.

And, what, there's something deeply virtuous about a 2001 Hendrie show in
which a woman, after returning from the salon with wet fingernails, asks her
maid to clean her after she's gone to the bathroom?

Last year, Donovan wrote that Savage was dropped largely because "(he)
decided that the path to fame is paved with outrageous excess" and "bad
taste." And earlier had said Savage didn't fit the Eugene-Springfield
audience.

If Phil Hendrie does, I'm living in the wrong place.